Broken Promises
by Gingerella
Summary: What if Edward came back to Forks the day Bella went cliff diving? What if he broke his promise because he couldn't stay away? What if Jake's temper got the best of him and Bella was too close?
1. Return

_By Gingerella_

_::Disclaimer:: The characters used in this story and some of the back stories are the creation of Stephenie Meyer and as such, belong to her._

**Chapter 1**

I paced back and forth along the Quileute border, anxiously trying to decide what to do next. The look I had seen on Bella's face as she got into her truck this morning had done nothing to calm my fears or settle the feeling of unease I had been experiencing. In fact, it had only served to increase my anxiety and make me wonder what the last six months had been like for her. More than ever, I was frustrated by my inability to read her thoughts. It certainly complicated matters.

I don't know what I had expected to find, and I hadn't had time to prepare myself for any possible scenarios. I didn't have a plan, another factor that had me feeling uneasy. I hadn't decided to come here; it just sort of happened. I had spent the last month wandering in the general direction of Forks before I even realized where I was going. But yesterday, when I realized that I was so close to the frail, human girl that had become the center of my universe; I knew that I had to see her.

I could no longer deny my selfish desires. I missed her scent, her smile, the way she tried to hide her face with her hair when she was embarrassed. And her heartbeat – how I longed to hear the most significant sound in my world! My mind was tormented with thoughts of her while my heart thrilled at the chance to once again behold her beautiful face, but I also knew that I _should _stay away. My presence was nothing but a danger to her. However, the pull that I had been trying to suppress for the past six months could no longer be denied. Selfish creature that I was, I needed to be close to her, even if she could not know that I was there.

I had arrived in Forks this morning, intending only to check on Bella, just to see how she was doing. That's what I told myself anyway. I didn't know what I hoped to find. I tried to tell myself that it would be better if she were happy, if she were moving on with her life. I knew that it would be better, safer for her if I was not part of her world. But secretly I was hoping that she had been as altered as I had been by the short time we had spent together. My world would never be the same for having known and loved Bella; I wondered what effect becoming involved with me had had on her. Had she moved on? Found happiness as I intended for her to?

I had arrived outside her house this morning, too late to sneak into her room and watch her sleep as I had done so many times before. Instead, I could see that Charlie had left for work already, his cruiser not parked in its usual place in front of the house. And I could hear Bella moving around inside the house, likely heading downstairs to have some breakfast. I had no idea what her plans would be for the day. I listened for anything that might give me a sign – a telephone call, the sound of her fingers clicking against the keyboard of her ancient computer, anything. But there was a strange, eerie silence that pervaded the house, keeping me in the dark.

Shortly, however, I heard as her footsteps took her to the front door. I swiftly moved through the trees so that I could see her as she stepped onto the front porch. She didn't bother locking the door behind her, and she didn't look around at all as she walked to the driver's side of her pickup truck. She looked down as she walked. Her feet moved methodically, but her stance revealed no emotion and gave me no clue where she might be headed. As she sat in the cab of the truck and turned the key to start the engine, she looked up. That was the first glimpse I got of her face, and it twisted my insides. Could she be more beautiful than I remembered, or was I just overly affected for having been away so long?

Her deep brown eyes and dark hair were unchanged. Her skin was just as flawless as ever. But something was _wrong_, and this "something" filled me instantly with anxiety and fear. While she still looked the same, this was not the same Bella I had known. Her eyes held a mixture of sadness and determination, but neither emotion really touched her face. She moved automatically, not seeming to really notice the world around her. I remembered her indomitable spirit; it had drawn me to her from our first conversation, and I wondered where that part of her had gone.

I longed with all of my being to go to her, to hold her, to take away whatever pain was tormenting her. But I knew I could not. I had promised her she would never see me again, and I had to keep that promise in order to protect her. I could not imagine a world without Bella Swan, and I knew that being involved with me put her in grave danger. Even if she could not be with me, it was enough that she could continue to exist. But in that moment, I instantly regretted my promise and wondered if I had made the right decision. However, I had no way of knowing if her pain had anything to do with me, and I could not risk revealing myself yet.

So, I followed her. My eyes had finally beheld her, and I could not imagine letting her out of my sight so soon. I kept myself well hidden in the forest by the road, but I had a feeling my caution was unnecessary. Bella didn't seem to notice much of anything. I was puzzled as we came closer to the Quileute Reservation. Why would Bella come here? I knew she had come to the beach at La Push before with some friends, but the weather was looking ominous, and I knew that anyone in his right mind would be staying out of the water today. So, where was she going?

I began to panic. I could not continue to follow her once she crossed the border into Quileute territory. The treaty that Carlisle had made years ago bound the Quileutes from revealing our family as vampires and barred us from entering their lands. I knew I could not risk bringing trouble by breaking the treaty, but my concern for Bella warred with my desire to keep my family safe. In the end, I had to stop at the border as Bella continued driving. I had no evidence that she was in any danger, and I convinced myself that my fears were probably irrational. So, there I stood, pacing back and forth wondering what to do next…


	2. Reconnaissance

A/N: We're still running parallel to New Moon, as far as all of the other characters are concerned. Poor Edward is having a rough day.

_Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the genius; I just like playing with her characters._

**Chapter 2**

I'm not sure how long I paced back and forth, hidden from the road in the trees that marked the border between the town of Forks and the Quileute reservation. In the end, I decided to head back to Bella's house. Charlie would be gone, and I had no idea when Bella would return. She could be gone all day for all I knew. Although it tormented me to have come so close to her only to lose sight of her again, I decided to fill my time with something worthwhile.

I knew that her house could give me some clues as to what Bella had been up to recently. And I knew it was one place where I could feel closer to her again. So, I raced back to her house, easily sneaking in without drawing any suspicion.

The moment I walked through the door, my head whirled with the most glorious yet painful scent I had ever encountered. I knew it immediately, and I reveled in the pain that it brought. I staggered under the weight of it, but it brought me great comfort at the same time.

The first floor of the house looked exactly the same. None of the furniture had been moved, and everything was neatly in its place. If anything, it was neater than it ever had been. I hadn't expected the memories to hit me with such force, but standing there alone in her house, I was accosted by them. I remembered the evening we had come here after spending the day in our meadow. It was the first time she had invited me in, but it was not the first time I had entered. I had sat in her father's chair while she fixed herself something to eat.

As I walked by the living room, I remembered the last day we had spent together before everything had changed. It was Bella's 18th birthday, and we had come here to watch _Romeo & Juliet_ for English class. I was paralyzed by the memory of our conversation, and as I thought of how the last six months had tortured me, I was tempted by the thought of taking a trip to Italy. But Bella was still alive, and I was here. And I had to decide what that meant for us.

I slowly made my way to Bella's room. My movements were measured and slow, not typical for me. Since my first conversation with Bella, when I realized that I loved her, I had not been as conflicted as I felt in this moment. I was going against everything I had decided six months ago. I knew my being so close to her was wrong, and I knew that I was breaking my promise. But when I had made that promise, I had no idea how difficult it was going to be to keep. I had grossly underestimated the power that Bella had over me.

Finally, I stood in Bella's doorway, her scent assaulting me again in a higher concentration. There was another smell here as well, one I did not recognize. It was foul, but it was also fading, and I fleetingly wondered if Bella and Charlie had been dog-sitting recently. I could tell by her scent that Bella had been spending a lot of time here. But as I looked around, I didn't see any signs of life. There were no colorful pictures on the wall, no clutter of notes or CD's on her desk. Everything was neat and orderly, almost lifeless. I remembered the CD I had given her on her birthday, the one I had hidden in her floorboards before leaving, and I looked around for her CD player. But it was gone.

Since there was nothing on her desk to occupy my attention, I was drawn to her closet. Her clothes hung neatly, but there was a pile on the floor, shoved back into the far corner. As I began rifling through the pile, I realized that I had not left Bella without any reminders, as I had said I would. In that moment, I knew such a task would have been impossible. She had tried to hide the things that reminded her of me, and I took inventory of them one by one.

Most prominent was the car stereo that Emmett had installed in Bella's truck the night that our world was altered forever, the night that Jasper nearly killed her in our living room when she accidentally cut her finger on a piece of wrapping paper. The black box was mangled beyond repair, and I could all too easily picture Bella as she determinedly fought to remove it from her car. A wave of pain rocked through me as I imagined the physical pain her delicate fingers had endured.

A pile of clothes half covered the black box, and as I picked up each piece, I remembered with perfect clarity the occasion on which it had been worn. In the pile was the blue blouse that she had worn the day I took her to meet my family. I remembered how it brought out the rose hues in her skin and how she had blushed when I complimented her on how _indecent_ she had looked. Underneath the pain I felt knowing that she had obviously remembered that comment as well, I was oddly pleased that none of Bella's other admirers had had the pleasure of seeing her looking so breathtakingly beautiful during my absence. Also in the pile was the shirt she had been wearing on her first day of school, the brown turtleneck she wore when she had amused me by saying that her favorite color was brown, and the tan sweater she wore the day we had declared our love for each other in our meadow.

Underneath the clothes was the scrapbook that Renee had given Bella for her birthday. As I flipped through the pages, I realized that Bella had not added anything since the last time I had turned the pages to remove the photos of myself. Was she just being stubborn, or were the empty pages some sort of representation of the six months we had been apart?

I sank down onto Bella's bed, struggling to make sense of what I had seen today. It seemed that I had more questions than answers. I wanted Bella to be happy, to be safe. I had left in hopes that she would move on and find happiness in the human world in which she belonged. I knew that I would be completely miserable without her, but I was consoled by the idea that she could have a normal human existence, that she could be happy with someone better suited to her world. But for her to be miserable! I groaned. That was not how it was supposed to be! Causing myself pain was one thing, but my very being shied away from anything that would hurt her. Was I the cause of the grief that I saw behind her eyes? I had to know.

Since I was already torturing myself, I laid back and put my face into Bella's pillow. I inhaled deeply, intoxicating myself with her scent, so potent in that place. I tried to visualize her as she slept. What had her nights been like since I had gone? Did she still say my name? Did she dream about me? I suddenly realized that when I had seen her this morning, she looked tired. What would be causing her to lose sleep?

As I lay in her bed, I gave myself over to the emotions that I usually tried very carefully to contain. But I had gone too far today, and I knew that I would have to pay the price. If I could have cried, the tears would have flowed freely. And I lost myself in the memories, crystal clear in my mind.


	3. Vision

**Chapter 3 (EPOV) - Vision  
**

As I had given myself over to my grief, I hadn't realized that the sun had set. It was twilight again, but this twilight brought me no peace. I didn't know where Bella was or what she was doing. I didn't know when Charlie would be back. And I had no idea what to do next.

I was startled from my reverie by a sound I knew well. As I heard the tires come to a stop on the gravel in Bella's driveway, I recognized the purr of the engine of Carlisle's Mercedes. I moved swiftly to the window. What would Carlisle be doing here? Had he come to look for me? There was no way he could have known where to find me. The last he had heard, I was in South America. Had he heard something about Bella that had caused him concern? Was this normal? I thought we had all agreed to leave Bella in peace, to completely remove ourselves from her life. What could be the meaning of this visit?

And then, the same time that I saw her lithe dancer's leg exit the car, I heard her thoughts. Alice! But the vision I saw in Alice's head strangled me. I leaned against the window for support and felt as if a hole had been ripped right through me, right where my heart should have been. It couldn't be true! But Alice's visions were seldom wrong.

I saw Bella, dressed exactly as she had been this morning, poised on the edge of a cliff. Her lips were moving, but there was no one with her and I couldn't hear the words she was saying. And then she flung herself forward, dropping into the angry, grey waters below. She did not resurface.

My hands moved to my head, roughly pulling at my hair, and I knew my eyes were wild with pain and confusion. _NOOOOO!_ My mind revolted against the image as I tried to pay closer attention to Alice's mind. She had seen Bella jump from the cliff and had come immediately to offer whatever help she could to Charlie. She thought about me and wondered where I was, worrying about what this news would do to me. She was trying to figure out why she hadn't seen what had happened next. As her thoughts strayed to Jasper and the rest of the family, I tried to make some sense of what I had seen.

I was in no condition for making logical decisions, but I knew that I had to decide quickly. Alice could not know I was here. I would be mortified if she knew that I was hiding out in Bella's room, wallowing in my own self-pity while Bella was throwing herself from a cliff. And I still didn't know what I was doing in Forks. I had no more clue than I had had this morning, and I knew that I needed to get a grip on myself before revealing myself to my sister.

For a moment I entertained the thought of an immediate trip to Italy. If Bella had thrown herself off a cliff, if she was truly gone to this world, then there was nothing tying me to this place any longer. I could not live in a world where Bella did not exist. In my anguish the decision seemed remarkably simple.

But I also knew the imperfections of Alice's visions. Alice had seen Bella dead at James's hand, and we had managed to prevent that. So I knew that while Alice was seldom wrong, there was sometimes more to the story. And I could tell that Alice was also holding on to the hope that there was more to her vision than she had seen.

I heard Alice enter the house downstairs, and I took the opportunity to exit through Bella's window. The action was almost second nature, even though it had been months since I had last been here. I hoped that Alice would not catch my scent; she seemed to be completely preoccupied by her vision, so I didn't think she was alerted to my presence.

I stealthily moved to the woods behind the house, far enough to be hidden from view but close enough to be able to hear anything that might be said inside. I heard Alice press the buttons on her cell phone, and I could pick out the numbers quite easily. Before my phone could ring, I silenced it by pressing the power button. I could not risk talking to Alice right now, and my abilities gave me pretty good insight into what she had planned to say.

Frustrated, she hung up without leaving me a message and began dialing another number.

"Rose," she said brusquely, "I need to speak with Carlisle, now.…Well, when will he be back?...No, it's urgent…Really Rose, this is serious. It has the potential to change all of our lives, especially Edward's. I had a vision. Bella is dead; she threw herself off a cliff, no doubt out of grief. I'm in Forks. I'll be in touch." And she hung up without giving Rosalie a chance to reply.

I had seen the vision in Alice's mind; I had let grief have its way with me for the better part of day, but the pain of Alice's vision magnified infinitely the pain I had suffered before. But somewhere in my darkest moments, I grasped onto the hope that the imperfection of Alice's visions provided. As she grappled with the reason she had not seen Bella pulled from the water, I uncharacteristically clung to the hope that there was more to the story. She had been wrong before. Not often, but all I needed was a slim thread to hold on to.

So, Alice and I waited…


	4. Conflict

**Chapter 4 (EPOV) - Conflict  
**

_I had seen the vision in Alice's mind; I had let grief have its way with me for the better part of an evening. But somewhere in my darkest moments, I grasped onto the hope that the imperfection of Alice's visions provided. As she grappled with the reason she had not seen Bella pulled from the water, I uncharacteristically clung to the hope that there was more to the story. Alice had been wrong before. Not often, but all I needed was a slim thread to hold on to._

And so when I heard the all-too-familiar rumble of Bella's ancient truck, I swallowed down the fear that was fighting its way to the surface and steeled myself for the knowledge I had both anticipated and dreaded at the same time.

I had no idea what was coming. Had Bella survived? Was she behind the wheel? If so, something must have been very wrong with Alice's vision. I had seen the dark, angry waters of the Pacific swallow the love of my life clearly through the vision in Alice's head.

Or would Charlie be driving? I still had not seen his cruiser all day; I had no idea where he was. Had he been called to the scene of Bella's drowning? Or did he have a clue what had happened?

Had someone on the reservation found Bella's truck and decided to bring it home? Everyone knew whom it belonged to; the daughter of the police chief was hardly low-profile. Did they think she had gone missing? There had been no one in Alice's vision to witness Bella's fall.

I had so many questions rolling around in my head that I was completely unprepared to see the face of Jacob Black behind the wheel of Bella's truck. I don't know why I hadn't thought of him earlier when I'd followed Bella toward La Push. Instantly, jealousy pulsed through my veins, raw and unleashed. I remembered the way he had looked at Bella when he had interrupted us at the prom, fulfilling his father's errand. And I had seen the impurity of his thoughts as he had imagined what was behind the beautiful blue dress that Alice had dressed her in. It was all I could do not to rip his head off that night as he had imagined removing her clothes and fondling her perfect breasts, as he imagined himself kissing her and doing things with her that I could never do. I hated him for wanting her. And I hated the possibility that he might be a better choice for her than I was. A deep growl rose up from my chest as I waited.

As I moved my attention from the revolting creature behind the wheel, I realized that Bella was in the cab of the truck as well. My Bella! My heart thrilled at the realization that she was indeed alive. My knees almost gave way with relief as the knowledge that she had not been swallowed by the sea overtook me. I could again see her blush her magic blush and hear the sound of her heartbeat, the most important sound in my world. But a shocking revelation came along with the intense relief. It was then that I realized that she was no longer _my_ Bella. I had left her, abandoned her.

And as this realization hit me with the force of a Mack truck, I noticed that she was sitting dangerously close to Jacob. Although I could see them easily in the dark, they were completely unaware of my presence. The headlights had not glinted off my skin, and Bella and Jacob seemed to be too engrossed in conversation to notice much else. Was I too late? Was she _his_ Bella now? The thought was inconceivable to me.

Quickly, my keen senses took in the scene. Jacob was sitting with his arm around Bella, and she was leaning into him. I concentrated so that I could hear what they were saying. As he crushed Bella to his chest, an instinctive snarl ripped from my lips, low and menacing. I had never been able to imagine her in anyone else's arms, and seeing it firsthand unearthed feelings of jealousy stronger than I had ever thought possible.

"Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing – and that's something no one wants to hear." He laughed, and I could hear the love and relief in his voice. He rested his head on top of hers.

It was then that I saw what Alice's vision had been missing. He was remembering pulling Bella from the ocean. He was reliving seeing the ashen pallor of her skin, and in his memory I saw the water rush from her mouth as he beat it from her lungs with his hand. I felt the anguish he had experienced as he struggled to keep her alive. And I recognized the same emotions that I had felt earlier that day as I saw Alice's vision - the fear, the terror, the incomprehensible loss. Could his love for her possibly be as strong as mine?

He had rescued her, revived her! In that moment the conflict that I had felt earlier in the day returned with a vengeance. Before Bella entered my world, I was decisive. I knew what I wanted, and right and wrong were always clear to me. But Bella had changed all of that. Her presence brought confusion and indecision into my life, and I was conflicted once again. How could I hate the person who had saved the life of the girl who held my soul in the palm of her hand? My very existence was tied to hers, so in a way Jacob Black had saved my life as well.

The conflict raged. I wanted to run, far and fast. I wanted to fling open Bella's door and gather her in my arms and never let go. I wanted to rip Jacob's arms off his body and make sure that he never touched her again. And in the same instant I wanted to hug him and thank him for keeping us both from dying. I wanted to scream, to cry, to curl up into a ball and release all of the emotions that coursed through my crowded mind.

But I could do nothing. I could not reveal my presence, and I could not remove myself from the painful scene unfolding in front of me. So, I stood motionlessly in tortured silence.

I had never before wanted so badly to be able to read Bella's thoughts! What was she thinking?!? She wasn't pulling away, but she wasn't encouraging Jacob either. She looked like she was thinking intently about something, the air of an unmade decision hanging over her. Did she love him? Did he make her happy? Wasn't that what I had wanted? The reason I had left in the first place? Could I be strong enough to let her go, to let her find love with someone else? The jealousy I had felt moments before should have given me a clue, but again, I had no answers. All I did know was that I had to have more information before I made any decision that might affect all of us forever.

Suddenly Bella stiffened, almost imperceptibly, and Jacob released her. He opened the door of the cab of the truck to walk her to the house, but slammed it closed almost immediately. "OH!" he exclaimed. "Holy _crap_!" He slammed the door and twisted the keys in the ignition; I could see his hands shaking from my spot hidden in the trees.

What had I missed? What was wrong? I was thinking the question at the same time Bella was asking it.

"Vampire," he spit the words with a hatred that ran deep.

What? How did he know? How did he know that I was here? Or had he gotten a glimpse of Alice? Something strange was going on, and in that moment I knew that I was right to wait for more of the story to unfold.

Bella asked my question for me again, and I was oddly pleased to feel that connection with her. "How do you know?"

"Because I can smell it! Dammit!" His eyes were wild, and he was lost in a moment of indecision. His thoughts were moving so fast I could not catch them, almost as if he was reacting instinctively, no thinking involved. And then he confused me again by mumbling to himself, "Phase or get her out of here?"

What was he talking about? He took one look at Bella, who was strangely pale, eyes wide with fright, and found his answer. "Right. Get you out."


	5. Puzzling

**Chapter 5 – Puzzle Pieces**

What in the hell was going on? My mind was spinning out of control, and nothing was making sense. I felt as if I had all the pieces to put together the puzzle of what was going on here, but I couldn't get them assembled quickly enough.

As Jacob spun the car around and gunned the engine, I instinctively reached out my hand as if to stop them from leaving. As if I could reach into the cab of the truck and grab Bella to keep her from disappearing again. I wanted to hold her close to me, to drink in her sweet scent, to never let her go again. And I knew in that instant that I couldn't bear to lose sight of her. I had come so far and had gotten so close; there was no going back.

As I left the cover of darkness provided by the trees, determined to follow them wherever they were going, the truck suddenly stopped. I was too far away to hear what Jacob and Bella were saying over the loud rumble of her truck, but I could see that the conversation was intense. A mixture of anger, fear, grief, and betrayal played across Jacob's face as he took in whatever Bella was saying. And then he said something that made Bella flinch, hurt visible on her face, and I wanted to pummel the bastard for causing her pain.

And then Jacob shifted the truck into neutral, opened the door, and took off into the woods more quickly than I would have thought humanly possible. But I didn't have time to worry about him as my attention returned to Bella. She paused there for just a second before sliding behind the wheel of the truck and slowly turning it back toward her house.

Before her headlights could reveal my presence, I returned to the cover of the edge of the forest. Now that she was coming back, and I knew that she was safe, I settled back into my waiting game. I knew that she would soon find Alice and perhaps their conversation would help me put the pieces of this strange puzzle together.

As Bella stopped and cut the engine of the truck, everything went black. The moon was covered by a thick layer of clouds and there were no lights on in the house, but I could still see her perfectly. She paused briefly to look at Carlisle's car parked across the street from her house, and although I could see a semblance of doubt etched in her features, I also saw a glimmer of hope.

She worked her way slowly to the front door, visibly shaking as she removed the key from the eave. I wondered what she was hoping to find. She obviously recognized the car as Carlisle's, and she had known that there was no danger from the vampire that Jacob had warned her about. She had wanted to come back, but she was also very deliberate and careful in her approach. I saw no fear, only caution, as if she didn't know what to expect. I wondered if she was hoping that it was me who had come back.

As she opened the door and stepped inside, I made my way closer to the house. I didn't want to miss a word of her conversation with Alice. The light flicked on inside the house, and I heard her voice for the first time in six months.

"Alice, oh, Alice!" she cried, and I heard her throw herself into Alice's arms, gasping for breath. And then her gasps turned into sobs, and I could hear Alice drag Bella into the living room and sit her on the couch.

I moved around the side of the house, situating myself underneath the window. It both pained me and comforted me to be so close to Bella again. I wanted to be the one in there comforting her, holding her, erasing the pain that I heard in her sobs. It seemed to take forever for her to regain control of herself enough to begin speaking again.

"I'm…sorry," she blubbered. "I'm just…so happy…to see you!" Her words hitched in her throat as she tried to talk through her sobs. I could see her face through Alice's eyes, and I longed to kiss her red, puffy eyelids and soothe her pink cheeks with my cool fingertips.

_Get a grip!_ The angry voice in my head said. _You don't even know if she wants you anymore. Maybe she's realized that she's better off without you. _ I growled at the voice, and it ceased.

"It's okay, Bella. Everything's okay." Alice was trying her best to calm Bella.

"Yes," Bella said as if it truly was, still shuddering with the sobs she couldn't quite control.

Alice sighed. "I'd forgotten how exuberant you are," she said. And I felt the pain that coursed down Alice's throat at being so close to such tantalizing human blood. I knew it was difficult for Alice, but I also knew that Bella was in no danger. Alice loved Bella as a sister, and I realized in that moment how much being apart had hurt them both. Alice was as happy to see Bella as Bella was to see her.

_You are a wretched creature! _The voice screamed at me. _Always hurting the ones you love._

"Oh," Bella puffed, realizing the pain she was causing Alice. "Sorry."

"It's my own fault. It's been too long since I hunted. I shouldn't let myself get so thirsty. But I was in a hurry today. Speaking of which, would you like to explain to me how you're alive?" Alice cut to the chase, needing to know how she had gotten everything so terribly wrong.

Bella instantly stopped sobbing as she realized the reason for Alice's visit. "You saw me fall," she said blankly.

"No," Alice disagreed. "I saw you _jump_." She wasn't going to let Bella off easily.

I listened eagerly for Bella's response. How was she going to explain what we had seen? But Bella hesitated to answer, and Alice went off on her own harangue.

"I told him this would happen, but he didn't believe me. 'Bella promised,'" her voice imitated mine, and I couldn't help but cringe. And then I saw the pain travel undisguised across Bella's face as she heard the words I had used to convince my family to help me abandon her. The pain was more than emotional, and I could see her tighten her arms around her body in response. "'Don't be looking for her future, either,'" she continued in her excellent imitation of my voice. "'We've done enough damage.'"

Shut up, Alice! Can't you see how much you're hurting her?But it was _my_ words that were causing her such pain. _ I_ was responsible.

"But just because I'm not looking, doesn't mean I don't _see_," she went on. "I wasn't keeping tabs on you, I swear, Bella. It's just that I'm already attuned to you…when I saw you jumping, I didn't think, I just got on a plane. I knew I would be too late, but I couldn't do _nothing_. And then I got here, thinking maybe I could help Charlie somehow, and you drive up," she continued, her confusion obvious. "I saw you go into the water and I waited and waited for you to come up, but you didn't. What happened? And how could you do that to Charlie? Did you stop to think what this would do to him? And my brother? Do you have _any_ idea what Edward-"

Bella cut her off then. She'd heard enough, and I could tell that when the conversation turned to me, she was done. She didn't want to hear my name; she wanted nothing to do with me. I hung my head in my hands and felt a wave of grief wash over me. _Of course she wants nothing to do with you, you idiot! You mangled her heart and left her to suffer alone, taking away not only yourself but your entire family, too. You were lucky she ever gave you the time of day in the first place, and then you went and threw that all away. _The voice in my head was having a heyday, finally breaking through the wall that I put it behind over the last several months. I had to silence him in order to hear Bella's response.

"Alice," she said calmly, "I wasn't committing suicide."

Alice wasn't so sure. "Are you saying you didn't jump off a cliff?"

"No, but…" Bella frowned as if she was a little embarrassed and a little worried about Alice's response. "It was for recreational purposes only. I'd seen some of Jacob's friends cliff diving. It looked like…fun, and I was bored…" Her excuse was lame, and she knew it.

Alice was trying hard to buy Bella's story, but I could tell there was more. Bella was a horrid liar, and I'd had more practice than Alice at seeing through her pretenses. I believed that Bella hadn't been trying to kill herself, but I knew that there was more that she wasn't telling. A lie of omission.

Bella continued, "I didn't think about how the storm would affect the currents. Actually, I didn't think about the water much at all."

Alice wasn't buying it; she thought Bella had tried to kill herself. But I knew better. I knew Bella was stronger than that, but I also knew that she was covering up something with her weak story about cliff jumping out of boredom.

Trying to change the subject, she redirected, "So if you saw me go in, why didn't you see Jacob?"

That was one of the questions that had been plaguing my tortured mind since I saw through Jacob's thoughts how the events of the day had unfolded. I knew the answer would help me to shift at least one piece of the puzzle into place.

When Alice didn't answer, Bella continued, "It's true that I probably would have drowned if Jacob hadn't jumped in after me. Well, okay, there's no probably about it. But he did, and he pulled me out, and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part. It couldn't have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn't see that part?"

Alice was as confused as I was. "Someone pulled you out?"

"Yes. Jacob saved me." Bella stated the facts with little emotion. She didn't seem to be very grateful that her life had been spared. I knew that Bella hadn't been trying to kill herself, but I wondered if she was thinking that death was a possible side effect that she would have willingly accepted. How much pain was she in? Was she in the place where she knew she could not have taken her own life but where death was not entirely unwelcome? Where even if she didn't seek it, she knew that only death could help to ease the pain? I knew that place all too well.

Then Alice did something strange. She leaned over and sniffed Bella's shoulder. What the hell?

Bella froze, unsure of Alice's motives, but Alice muttered, "Don't be ridiculous," and continued sniffing her some more. I couldn't smell through Alice's thoughts, but I could see her mind working around a strange, repulsive scent. And it had her puzzled.

"What are you doing?" Bella wondered.

But Alice ignored her and asked a question of her own. "Who was with you out there just now? It sounded like you were arguing."

"Jacob Black," Bella replied. "He's…sort of my best friend, I guess. At least, he was…" Bella's face looked wistful, and I knew her mind flitted to Jacob, remembering their argument before he had left her in the truck. I wondered briefly how Jacob would classify their relationship. I saw the love he felt for Bella clearly in his thoughts, but she had said they were just friends.

When Alice didn't say anything, Bella saw something in her face. "What?" she asked.

"I don't know," Alice said. "I'm not sure what it means." I could see Alice's mind trying to fit the same puzzle pieces together that I had been working on.

"Well, I'm not dead, at least."

Alice rolled her eyes and replied, "He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy." Alice was right. I had left Bella, removing not only my love but also my protection. She needed me to keep her safe. I had thought that it was my presence that was constantly putting Bella at risk, but I hadn't considered that perhaps the reason for my twisted existence was to protect her.

"I survived," Bella defended herself.

Alice was still working on solving the mystery. She asked, "So, if the currents were too much for you, how did this Jacob manage?"

"Jacob is…strong." Bella's hesitation gave her away. Through Alice's eyes I could see Bella chewing on her lip in the same adorable way she responded when she was nervous about telling me something. Finally she decided to spill the truth. "See, well, he's…sort of a werewolf," she admitted. In my anger I almost didn't hear the rest of her explanation. "The Quileutes turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Carlisle from a long time ago. Were you with Carlisle back then?" She tried to keep the tone light and conversational, but this news blindsided me and sickened me with fear.

_NOOOOO!!! _The rock that I had been fiddling with turned to dust in my hand as my fists tightened, ready for a fight. Most of the pieces had fallen into place, and I was so angry I could have ravaged the entire forest just to let off a little steam. _This is your fault you know. _The voice snarled at me, disdain painfully thick. _You left her, alone and hurting, and you left her in the hands of the most volatile creatures in existence. Some protector you are. Do you realize what danger could have befallen her?_

I couldn't argue. I was a miserable excuse for a person, if that's what I was. Any notions that I held about earning redemption in another life were crushed in that second. I did not deserve another chance.

Alice was taking the news much better than I was, but then she hadn't sworn to love and protect Bella like I had. "Well, I guess that explains the smell," she muttered. "But does it explain what I didn't see?" Alice was concentrating on the lesser of the problems as far as I was concerned.

"The smell?" Bella repeated.

"You smell awful," Alice responded absently, without any further explanation. "A werewolf? Are you sure about that?"

"Very sure," she said and winced at a memory that I wished I could see. "I guess you weren't with Carlisle the last time there were werewolves here in Forks?"

"No. I hadn't found him yet." It was then that some of the puzzle pieces finally clicked together for Alice. She was shocked, but not angry as I was. "Your best friend is a werewolf?"

Bella just nodded.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Not long," she replied defensively. "He's only been a werewolf for just a few weeks."

Alice finally began to understand the gravity of the situation. "A _young_ werewolf? Even worse! Edward was right – you're a magnet for danger. Weren't you supposed to be staying out of trouble?"

"There's nothing wrong with werewolves," Bella stated. She was profoundly wrong, but I could tell that Alice's condescending tone hurt Bella's feelings.

"Until they lose their tempers." Alice shook her head at Bella. "Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find."

_What did you all expect? You drew her into this magical world, let her believe that she could somehow be a part of it, and then you pulled the rug out from under her. How could she go back?_ I didn't even argue with the voice. It was right.

Then Bella unloaded another bomb on us. "No, Alice, the vampires didn't really leave – not all of them, anyway. That's the whole trouble. If it weren't for the werewolves, Victoria would have gotten me by now. Well, if it weren't for Jake and his friends, Laurent would have gotten me before she could, I guess, so-"

Victoria! Laurent! Damn them straight to hell! They had come back for Bella, and now I had a pack of werewolves to thank for the fact that Bella was still alive. The fact that I was now indebted to a pack of mongrels was only slightly less disturbing than the fact that I left Bella to face these dangers alone. Not only had I been the one to put her in danger, but I left her alone to face it. Stupid, wretched, damned vampire! I cursed myself. The voice was quiet; I guess he thought I was doing okay on my own.

As I came back to my senses, I focused again on the conversation unfolding inside the house. "Tell me everything – start at the beginning." Alice put on her best pretense of calmness and settled in for Bella's summary of the past six months.

I listened as Bella told Alice what the last six months of her life had been like. She didn't mention me, and I wondered idly if that was out of pain or anger. She did relieve some of my curiosity by talking about becoming friends with Jacob before either of them had known about the strange world that he belonged to. She said being with him made her feel better, had eased the pain of our leaving. Then she told Alice about how Jacob had tried to keep her out of his world once he knew the truth. Why did she keep giving me reasons to appreciate this dog? She also told Alice how she had come upon Laurent in our meadow. I couldn't imagine how Bella would have found her way back there, but I was furious with Laurent for daring to harm her in our sacred place. Part of me wished that the wolves had not destroyed him so that I could have the honor to myself. Then she described her terror the first time she had seen Jacob phase into his wolf form to protect her from Paul. After she discovered the truth and Jacob had explained to his brothers that she could be helpful in all matters vampire, she had been welcomed and put under the protection of the pack. She described the events of the day, glossing over her cliff jumping experience, but telling Alice about a red flame she had seen on the water and what she thought it meant. She finished with the news of Harry's heart attack and death.

The room fell quiet as Bella finished. We all mourned Harry's passing and knew that Charlie would suffer greatly the loss of his friend and fishing buddy.

Finally Alice broke the silence, saying, "Our leaving didn't do you any good at all, did it?"

Bella made a slightly hysterical sound and replied bitterly, "That was never the point, though, was it? It's not like you left for my benefit."

My silent heart broke at her words. She truly believed that I left because I no longer wanted her. She believed that I didn't love her. _Of course she believed you, jackass_. The voice decided that I wasn't feeling quite contrite enough, so he decided to pipe back up. _You're the most convincing liar on the planet. She didn't stand a chance._

Inside Alice's thoughts, I understood that she wanted nothing more than to stay with Bella, but she reluctantly said, "Well…I guess I acted impulsively today. I probably shouldn't have intruded."

When she looked up, I could see a pale and panic-stricken Bella. She could not bear to see Alice go, and my breath hitched in my throat as I relived her pain. "Don't go, Alice," she whispered as she grabbed onto the collar of Alice's shirt. "Please don't leave me." In her anxiety she began to hyperventilate.

Alice was relieved to have an excuse to stay a while longer. She missed her friend terribly, and she was concerned. "All right," Alice ceded. "I'm not going anywhere tonight. Take a deep breath."

It took a few minutes for Bella to find control again, but the knowledge that she would have Alice around for a little longer seemed to calm her.

"You look like hell, Bella," Alice said.

"I drowned today," Bella replied, a little acidly.

"It goes deeper than that. You're a mess." Alice was more intuitive than I, and it took me a minute to realize that her perception was right on target. Looking into Bella's eyes was like looking into a glassy pool. There was no life there. The eyes that used to be windows into Bella's soul were now hazy and sad. Her face was pale, and I realized that even in her excitement to see Alice, I hadn't seen her smile yet.

"Look, I'm doing my best," Bella defended herself weakly.

"What do you mean?"

"It hasn't been easy. I'm working on it." If this was Bella 'working on it' after six months, I couldn't imagine what the first several weeks had looked like.

"I told him," Alice said to herself, loud enough for Bella to hear.

"Alice," Bella sighed. "What did you think you were going to find? I mean, besides me dead? Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes? You know me better than that."

"I do. But I hoped."

"Then I guess I don't have the corner on the idiocy market." Bella shot Alice a look that put us both to shame. Yes, we both knew better. What had I been thinking?

Then the phone rang, and I heard Bella drag Alice to the kitchen, not wanting to let her out of her sight, no doubt. She assumed it was Charlie, but instead it was Jacob.

I couldn't help but recognize the relief in her voice when she exclaimed, "Jake!"

Alice was close enough to the phone, that I could hear the words Jake said through her thoughts. "Just making sure you were still alive," he said sourly.

She tried to reassure him, "I'm fine. I told you that it wasn't-"

But Jacob didn't let her finish. "Yeah. I got it. 'Bye," he grunted before hanging up on her. How rude.

Alice consoled Bella, trying to decide whether to be sad or amused that the wolves were not happy about having a vampire in the area again.

When Alice mentioned tying up some loose ends and needing to see Carlisle, Bella steeled herself. She did not want Alice to leave. "Could you stay?" she begged. "Please? For just a little while. I've missed you so much." She had never even had a chance to say goodbye to Alice; the idea of having her back for such a short time only to lose her again was painful.

"If you think that's a good idea," she said carefully. Her thoughts went to me and the tongue-lashing she was sure would be coming when I found out what she was up to.

"I do," Bella responded without hesitation. "You can stay here – Charlie would love that."

"I have a house, Bella."

Bella nodded. I could read the fear in her eyes. She was scared to let Alice out of her sight, afraid she would never see her again, never have a chance to say goodbye.

Seeing the fear in Bella's eyes, Alice softened and said, "Well, I need to go get a suitcase of clothes, at the very least."

"Alice, you're the best!" Bella couldn't contain her excitement and threw her arms around Alice's neck, forgetting again that she was in the company of a thirsty vampire.

"And I think I'll need to hunt. Immediately."

As Alice looked ahead to the future, she made plans to hunt and then quickly swing by our house where we had left all but the most important and sentimental of our belongings when we left Forks. She promised to be back in an hour, and then she was out the door.

In that instant, I knew that I needed to reveal myself to Alice. I hadn't formulated a plan beyond that, but I knew that if anyone could help me through my predicament it would be Alice. As she started the engine of Carlisle's car, I slid into the passenger seat.

She looked at me in surprise for just a second, and then frustration took the place of surprise as the dominant emotion on her face. Alice didn't like being surprised.

"Alice…" I said solemnly.


	6. Family

**Chapter 6 - Family**

"Edward," Alice nodded briefly in my direction before pulling away. She had seen me coming just before I opened the car door, but she still wasn't quite over the shock of finding me in Forks.

Just out of sight of Bella's house, I signaled Alice to pull over. Her mind was reeling. She was vacillating between being mad at me for being so stupid and being afraid that I was going to rip her head off for coming here when she had promised she wouldn't. And naturally, she was curious about my presence.

She started speaking so fast, I had a hard time keeping up. "Edward, I know I promised I wouldn't come here, but I had a vision. And Bella was dead, and I couldn't get a hold of you, and I had to do something. I wasn't spying on her, but I can't control my visions. You know that, Edward. Please–" I cut her off as she was starting to get hysterical. I couldn't continue to let her feel bad when I was actually so grateful for her presence.

"Alice, stop. It's OK. You're obviously not the only one who couldn't stay away," I told her, and I could tell she was both relieved and surprised at my reaction.

"What are you doing here? How long have you been here? Who else knows you're here? Why didn't I see you? Why the hell am I missing so much?" The questions were flying through Alice's mind faster than she could speak them.

"I got here this morning. It just sort of happened; it wasn't a conscious decision. I missed her, Alice." My voice faltered on the last sentence, and I couldn't continue. I looked out the passenger window, not wanting Alice to see how truly broken I was.

She ceased her interrogation and laid her hand on my arm. "Edward, please look at me. You don't have anything to be ashamed of. I know how much she means to you…" Alice trailed off.

I turned to look at her and saw the concern in her eyes. Alice was my closest friend, despite her ability to be amazingly annoying at times. She understood me better than I understood myself, and she was always my greatest supporter. When the rest of my family couldn't understand my need to explore a relationship with Bella, she had defended me. She had never questioned my sanity or tried to tell me that the pain wasn't worth the reward. I think Alice had a special understanding of what it meant to find your soul mate, and we both knew that Bella was mine.

"What now, Edward?" she asked quietly. Her concern for my emotional state was overpowering her desire to tell me what an idiot I had been, for the moment. I knew I wasn't going to escape that conversation forever, but I was relieved that she seemed to understand the strain I was under.

"You and I need to talk," I told her, "but there isn't time now. Bella will be expecting you back soon, and I can't do anything to cause her another minute of disappointment."

"Come with me," she pleaded. "We can talk while we hunt, and you can come to the house with me while I get my things."

"I can't, Alice," I explained feebly. "I can't leave her right now." There was more to my explanation, but I just couldn't get it out. I needed to be near Bella, to hear her heartbeat and to know that she was safe.

Alice looked at me sympathetically. "I understand," was all she said.

Knowing that a crazed Victoria was stalking Bella as well strengthened my resolve not to let her out of my sight.

That reminder caused me to rebuke Alice, my voice a little crazed, "How could you leave her alone, Alice? What were you thinking? Didn't you hear anything she was telling you earlier? As long as Victoria is out there, Bella is in danger. How could you?"

My words stung Alice, and she retaliated. "Don't you get all condescending on me, Edward Cullen. I looked ahead, and I know with complete certainty that Bella will be fine for an hour. You worry too much," she added with a glare in my direction.

I almost reminded her of the fact that her vision hadn't been extremely reliable lately, but I didn't want to fight with my sister. I would be watching out for Bella, so it was a moot point anyhow.

"Go and hunt," I instructed her. "Come back and take care of Bella, but under no circumstances let her know that you have seen me or talked to me. After she and Charlie are asleep, come and find me. I'll be right outside."

"Okay," she agreed, although I could tell that she was hesitant. "But Edward, she needs to know that you are here. She needs you."

"I'll be the one to decide that, Alice," I replied coolly. "Promise me."

She hesitated again but agreed, saying simply, "I promise, Edward."

As I moved to open the car door, Alice put her hand on my arm. "It's gonna be OK. I can't see it yet, and I don't know how it will happen. But I know that you and Bella were meant to be together. I know it as strongly as I know that Jasper was made for me and me alone."

I nodded, but I longed for her confidence. I couldn't see how this could possibly end well. I had made such a mess of things.

I stepped out of the car and closed the door. Alice sped off, now with even less time than she had planned.

I made my way back to the shadows of the forest surrounding Bella's house. All of the curtains in the house were drawn, so I could not see her. But I could hear her moving around inside, and the sound of her heartbeat calmed me.

I settled into a spot close enough to hear everything going on inside, while remaining under the cover that the forest edge provided. I leaned my back against a tree and rested my arms on my knees.

I had a lot to sort out, but I tried hard not to let my mind wander too far. I tried to just enjoy the moment of solitude, comforted by the sound of Bella's feet as she moved around the house. Simply being close to her was like a balm for my wounded soul. As a semblance of peace settled over me, I could not deny my need for her. She was the center of my universe. Without her, I was a satellite lost in a pointless orbit.

I needed desperately to talk to Alice. I knew that she could help me make sense of the powerful emotions that were still so new to me, to help me settle the conflict that raged within me. I knew what I _wanted_, but I couldn't convince myself that I had any right to follow my desires.

Almost as much as I needed to talk to Alice, I also longed for the advice of my father. Carlisle had always forgiven me unconditionally, no matter my indiscretion. He was everything that I aspired to one day be – wise, understanding, compassionate, forgiving. I had never doubted his wisdom, so I don't know why I rebelled against him so strongly when he had tried to convince me not to leave Bella, not to blame myself for what happened. It was against his better judgment that he assented to my demand that we leave Forks, uprooting the entire family.

I wondered what he would say to me now. I hadn't talked to anyone but Alice in months. I knew the rest of my family was probably both angry and hurt, but I also knew that Carlisle would forgive me, as he always had.

I pulled my tiny, silver cell phone out of my pocket and pressed the power button. As I prepared to call my father, the voice mail alert flashed on the screen. I looked at the number and grimaced. It was Rose. She had tried to call a couple of times since I left the family in New York, but I hadn't had the energy or the desire to deal with her. However, I knew that Alice had called Rose after she had arrived in Forks, so out of curiosity I listened to the message.

"Edward, it's Rose. I just talked to Alice, and I thought I should let you know. Bella is dead. She killed herself jumping off some cliff." She sounded flippant, almost smug. "I'm sorry to tell you like this, but don't you think it's better this way? It's over now, and you can come home. She was never any good for you. Call us."

I knew Rosalie could be a little insensitive at times, but she had just proven to me just what a bitch she really was. If she had been in front of me, I would have strangled her. What kind of person leaves a message like that? It sounded like she had been almost happy to spread the news. Was it possible that Rosalie thought I could live a happy life without Bella, that my life could possibly be _better_ without her in it? She obviously didn't know me at all.

Thankfully, I knew the truth, but I briefly wondered what would have happened if I had not returned to Forks today and I had received her message under different circumstances. But I didn't wonder long; I knew how that scenario would have played out.

I tucked my anger at Rose away for the time being, saving it for later. She would not get off easily. Our relationship had always been strained, especially since I had let Bella into our world, and I didn't see how we could recover from her latest egregious lapse in judgment.

I called Carlisle on his cell, not wanting to run the risk of having Rosalie answer the house phone.

"Edward," he breathed, his voice thick with relief.

"Hello, Carlisle."

"Where are you? Are you OK?"

"I'm in Forks. I arrived this morning. It's been a rough day," I finished weakly.

"What's going on, Edward? Rose left me a message that Alice had a vision…" he trailed off, not knowing how much he should give away.

"It's a long story. Alice is here, and I've spoken with her. Thankfully, things are not what they appeared to be. We need to remember to be cautious in relying too much on Alice's visions."

"What do you mean? Alice's vision was faulty?" Carlisle seemed a bit skeptical.

"Well, yes and no. Bella did jump off a cliff, but she's not dead. She's safe at the moment, but there is still a great deal of danger," I told him honestly, while not delving into the whole sordid story. "Carlisle, I don't know exactly what I'm doing or what's going to happen now. There is a lot to sort through."

I paused, not having the nerve to continue.

"Edward, what can I do?" Carlisle asked, nothing but love and concern in his voice, giving me the strength I needed to continue.

"I know that I have no right to ask this," I spoke quickly before I lost my nerve, "but are you in a position to come back to Forks? I need to talk to you face-to-face, and I cannot possibly leave Bella now."

"Of course, Edward, whatever you need. You are my son; you know there is nothing I would not do for you." I didn't deserve such unconditional love and support, but I wasn't going to turn it away either.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I don't know how to do this alone." In that moment I was so thankful for my family. "Bring Esme, and call Jasper and have him come, too. Alice and I will start getting the house ready."

"Will this be permanent, Edward?" Carlisle wondered.

"I hope so," I said, although I hardly dared to even think about the possibility. "My mind is still reeling from all that I have learned today. I have more questions than answers, but one thing has become crystal clear to me. I cannot live without Bella."

"I understand, son. I'm glad you've finally realized what the rest of us have known for quite some time," Carlisle replied, but there was no condescension in his tone. "Esme and I are headed back from a hunting trip; we'll be there as soon as we can. Your mother will be beside herself; she's missed you terribly."

I felt a pang of grief as I realized again how much my actions had hurt the ones I loved. "Tell her I'm sorry, please. I'll see you soon."

"I love you, son," Carlisle said simply before disconnecting the call.

I closed my phone and returned it to my pocket, leaning back against the tree once again. Alice was due back shortly, and I could hear Bella faintly humming as she rustled around in the kitchen. I felt a faint glimmer of hope as I knew that I would soon be reunited with my family. They would help me handle whatever was coming.

Soon, Alice returned. Despite the darkness, she saw me easily and nodded in my direction before heading into the house, unnoticed by Bella for the moment.

I heard Bella make her way to the living room, and I saw the joy on her face through Alice's thoughts when she realized that Alice had indeed come back.

"You're early," she said, elated. Alice's speed never ceased to amaze even me.

Bella sat down next to Alice who gathered her into her arms. "Bella. What _are_ we going to do with you?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I really have been trying my hardest."

"I believe you," Alice comforted her.

It was silent for a moment before Bella spoke. "Does – does he…" she took a deep breath as if she was having a hard time getting the words out. Finally, she gathered the strength to say, "Does Edward know you are here?"

I sat up straighter. Just hearing her say my name was enough to draw me to the window once again. Her voice was my siren call, and I couldn't keep my distance even though I could hear her clearly from the trees.

I silently begged Alice to keep her promise. "No," she said simply.

Bella was curious about my whereabouts, and I took comfort in that. "He's not with Carlisle and Esme?" she queried.

"He checks in every few months."

"Oh," Bella huffed quietly. Ever so briefly a wistful sadness crossed her face before she turned to a different topic. I wondered what she thought I had been occupying myself with for the past six months. If she truly believed that I no longer loved her, the possibilities were endless and probably extremely painful. She changed the subject, "You said you flew here…Where did you come from?"

"I was in Denali. Visiting Tanya's family."

"Is Jasper here? Did he come with you?"

Alice's thoughts traveled briefly to her soul mate. She didn't like going against Jasper's wishes, and she felt the distance between them heavily. "He didn't approve of my interfering," Alice answered. "We promised…" She trailed off, not wanting to cause Bella undue pain. Abruptly she said, "And you think Charlie won't mind my being here?"

"Charlie thinks you're wonderful, Alice."

"Well, we're about to find out."

Seconds later, Charlie pulled his cruiser into the driveway. He got out and trudged toward the door. Bella greeted him before he got to the front porch, hugging Charlie fiercely around the waist. Charlie embraced her back, holding on to her for dear life.

"I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad," Bella spoke comfortingly.

"I'm really going to miss him," Charlie mumbled.

"How's Sue doing?"

"She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her…" He seemed distracted, like he was having trouble thinking coherently. "Those poor kids. Leah's just a year older than you, and Seth is only fourteen…" He drifted off again.

As they started for the door, Bella spoke up. "Um, Dad? You'll never guess who's here."

Charlie looked at her blankly, and then recognition came as he swiveled around and saw Carlisle's car across the street.

Alice stepped onto the porch before he could react. "Hi, Charlie," she said in a subdued voice. "I'm sorry I came at such a bad time."

"Alice Cullen?" he stared in amazement. I wasn't sure how much more surprise Charlie could handle before he collapsed. "Alice, is that you?" His spirits lifted ever so slightly; Alice just had that effect on Charlie.

"It's me," she confirmed. "I was in the neighborhood."

"Is Carlisle…?"

"No, I'm alone."

We all knew that Charlie wasn't really curious about Carlisle's whereabouts. I felt the relief in his thoughts as Alice spoke the words. But behind the relief, I read a fear in his thoughts. He was terrified that I would return and upset the delicate balance in which Bella's life had been hanging.

Before I had a chance to begin rethinking everything, Bella's voice cut into my deliberations. "She can stay here, can't she?" Bella pleaded. "I already asked her."

"Of course," Charlie replied mechanically. "We'd love to have you, Alice."

"Thank you, Charlie. I know it's horrid timing."

Charlie reassured her, "No, it's fine, really. I'm going to be really busy doing what I can for Harry's family; it will be nice for Bella to have some company."

"There's dinner for you on the table, Dad," Bella said as they made their way into the house.

"Thanks, Bell."

The grief that permeated Charlie's thoughts was crippling. Billy and Harry were Charlie's only close friends, and the loss of Harry was going to be beyond difficult. However, hidden in his grief were thoughts of relief as he was so grateful for Bella's presence. Bella had brought a light into Charlie's life that had long been missing. I knew all too well how he felt.

As Charlie ate, Bella and Alice made their way back to the couch. Alice put her arm around Bella's shoulder and pulled her close.

"You look tired," she observed.

"Yeah," Bella agreed and shrugged. "Near-death experiences do that to me…So, what does Carlisle think of you being here?"

"He doesn't know. He and Esme were on a hunting trip. I'll hear from him in a few days, when he gets back."

"You won't tell _him_, though…when he checks in again?" she asked. She didn't want to speak my name; either she was repulsed or extremely pained by it.

"No. He'd bite my head off," Alice said grimly, keeping up our pretense nicely. But I heard in her thoughts how much she hated lying to Bella.

Bella laughed once and then sighed. Exhausted, she laid her head on Alice's shoulder and quickly drifted off to sleep.

Alice sat with Bella while Charlie finished up in the kitchen and made his way to the living room. He smiled slightly at the sight of Bella asleep on Alice's shoulder.

"I'll take care of her, Charlie," Alice reassured him, speaking softly so as not to wake Bella. "You go get some rest. And I'm really sorry about Harry."

"Thanks, Alice," Charlie replied with a sigh. "It's gonna be tough all the way around. I'm glad you're here. I saw a light in Bella's eyes tonight that I haven't seen in a long time." There was more that he wanted to say, but he was mentally and emotionally spent. "You get some sleep now, too, okay?"

"Okay, Charlie. Don't worry about me."

"Night, Alice." Charlie turned off the hall light and made his way to the stairs.

When Charlie was quiet and breathing rhythmically upstairs, Alice carefully slid away from Bella. She gently laid Bella on the couch, covering her with the blankets and placing a light kiss on her forehead. She stood there, watching Bella sleep for a few moments, and I was grateful for the borrowed time. I whispered, "Thank you, Alice," and I knew that she had heard.

As Alice watched, Bella stirred just slightly and sighed, "Edward…" That was all, just one word and my breath hitched in my throat.

I couldn't help but reply, even though I knew she wouldn't hear, "I'm here, love." And I knew that I would never leave again.

Confident that Bella was out for the night, Alice made her way to the back door, and I circled around to meet her. Instinctively I knew that this night would be pivotal, but for the first time in months, I was not alone. I grabbed Alice's hand as we headed for the edge of the forest.

**_A/N: OK - I've got one more chapter that runs alongside New Moon in my own way, and then I'm taking the plunge into the alternate part of my ending. Thanks for reading!!! I love reviews, too! They make me :).  
_**


	7. Ramifications

**Chapter 7 - **

_Confident that Bella was out for the night, Alice made her way to the back door, and I circled around to meet her. Instinctively I knew that this night would be pivotal, but for the first time in months, I was not alone. I grabbed Alice's hand as we headed for the edge of the forest._

We made our way under the cover of the forest, staying close enough to be able to hear any movement inside the house. Although my mind was crowded with questions and frantic thoughts, I honed in on Bella's heartbeat and even breathing. They were my lifeline.

I pulled Alice in for a quick hug. "I'm so glad you're here," I admitted.

"You may not feel that way for long, Edward," she replied with just a hint of ice in her voice. "You know I'm going to have to say some things that you're not going to like."

"I know, Alice, and I deserve every disparaging word you have for me. I've made such a mess of things. I hate myself for the pain that I have caused everyone." I hung my head in shame.

Alice pulled me down so that we were sitting on the forest floor facing one another. "Why don't you start from the beginning?" she requested, holding off on her lecture for a bit.

"I got here this morning," I began hesitantly. "I've been working my way up from South America, wandering aimlessly, more or less, for a couple of weeks. I was drawn to this place somehow; I think my subconscious knew that this was the last place I had felt any sort of happiness."

"But once you realized where you were, what happened? Were you checking up on her? Did you plan to talk to her? To see her?"

"I truly don't know, Alice. I didn't know what I was doing; I think that's why you couldn't see me. I kept running through all of the possibilities in my mind, but I couldn't come to any decision that didn't fill me with dread." I ran my hand through my hair and tried to answer her other questions. "I didn't intentionally come here to check on her. But this morning, when I realized how close I was, I couldn't keep from allowing myself just one glimpse. At first I just wanted to see her face; I told myself that I would just satisfy my curiosity about how she was doing and then I would leave. But the more I saw, the more questions I had, and somewhere along the way I realized that I just _couldn't _leave."

Alice gently ran her hand up and down my arm, trying to calm me, but I longed for the warmth of Bella's fingertips instead.

"I have thought of nothing but Bella since I left. I thought the pain would get easier to live with, but it just kept getting worse and worse. I saw her face everywhere, heard her voice in the wind. I felt like I was losing my mind, Alice!" I took a deep breath and went back to describing my day. "When I arrived this morning, I saw Bella get in her truck. The emptiness in her eyes and the mechanical way in which she moved haunted me. I knew something wasn't right! I followed her to the Quileute border, but I couldn't break the treaty to keep following her."

And as I was reliving the memory, a shocking revelation hit me. "If I had followed her, I could have saved her. I could have kept her from jumping. She almost died, Alice!" A sob escaped my throat, and I dropped my head into my hands in defeat. "Who am I kidding? I don't deserve her; I fail her time and time again."

Alice gave me moment to regain my composure.

Even though I was ashamed, I told her about how I had entered the house in order to find some clues as to Bella's state of mind and what was going on in her life. I explained in detail the things I had found in Bella's closet and about how I had seen Alice's vision through her thoughts when she arrived. Alice's eyes narrowed at that admission, and I knew that she was angry at me for hiding. I revealed the strange conversation I had overheard between Bella and Jacob, and we both grimaced at the knowledge that Bella's life had been in the hands of werewolves on more than one occasion. I silently castigated myself for not putting _those _puzzle pieces together sooner.

Alice filled in the rest of the blanks with the conversations she knew I had overheard. Then she told me that she had a vision of Carlisle calling Jasper and telling him to return to Forks, so she had gathered that I had talked with our father. At that point, we had all of the details of the day's events on the table, but telling her what I had seen and heard was the easy part. Going to the emotional level was infinitely more difficult.

"Alice," I began, my voice trembling, "I don't know what to do. I was an idiot to think that I could survive without her, but I don't deserve her either. I can't help but believe that she is better off without me."

Alice saw her opening. "Edward, you know you've really screwed up. You abandoned her! And you made promises that you couldn't keep. I mean, think about it Edward. For you, could it ever be as if _she_ never existed?"

I shot her an incredulous look as I considered the impossibility of that. Bella had altered my universe. She brought light and life to the darkest corners of my world, and in her absence everything was blacker than before. "Never," I said simply, even though I knew she already knew the answer.

"It's the same for her, Edward. You can take away your presents and you can stay out of her life, but you cannot alter her memories or her love for you. And it hurts her all the more because she didn't have a choice. You took that away from her, too. You didn't even try to fight for her. You got scared, and you ran. And now the Bella that is sleeping on that couch in there is not the same Bella that we used to know. She's been hurt deeply. She's a shell of the girl she used to be. That is enough evidence for me to know that she is not better off without you."

Alice was getting worked up, but I returned lamely to my old excuse. "But I constantly put her in danger, Alice."

"That's crap, Edward!" she shot back. "You've saved her life, too. Remember? Apparently Bella's gonna be in danger whether you're in her life or not, and I personally think she's much safer with you around."

Although I wanted to, I couldn't really argue with her on that point. My Bella, the danger magnet.

But there was another major problem to consider, one that filled me with immeasurable dread. I was terrified of even saying the words. "What if she doesn't want me anymore, Alice? What if I've hurt her too badly? What if what I've done can't be undone?" I buried my head in my hands, and my breath hitched in my throat as I sobbed. I had never before longed to be able to cry, but there in Bella's backyard, I craved the release.

Alice was a little shocked at my despondency, and I think she decided I had spent enough time feeling sorry for myself. "Well, Edward, that's a possibility that you're just going to have to face. You're going to have to man up and take a chance that you might be rejected. It would serve you right if she didn't just jump back into your arms."

Her tone startled me out of my stupor. I knew she was right. I had hurt Bella deeply, and any pain that I suffered as a result was my own fault. "But how?" I pleaded. "I don't even know how to approach her. I promised she would never have to see me again."

"Well, you're just going to have to break that promise and hope she forgives you. And maybe you've learned something about making stupid, rash promises." Alice eyed me, and I looked away sheepishly. I sure had a lot to learn where matters of the heart were concerned.

"Will you help me?" I implored, turning the full force of my eyes on her. Of course, Alice was immune to my attempts, but she got a kick out of my trying.

She squinted at me through her narrowed eyes. "Are you sure, Edward? If you put yourself back in her life, it has to be for good this time. You have to commit to this, or I will not help you. I love her, too, you know. I'm not sure she could survive your leaving twice."

"I need her, Alice," I replied as I conceded to her terms. "I can't live without her. She is my life. When I thought she was dead, I knew that without her there was nothing holding me to this world. I have to try to convince her how much she means to me. Tell me what to do."

"Okay," Alice rubbed her hands together, and the gleam in her eye frightened me just a little. I should have known Alice would take full advantage of my request for help. "First, you need to go home and clean up. Have you looked in a mirror lately? You look like hell." She gave me a disparaging look.

"Alice…" I sighed in exasperation.

"I'll stay here and keep an eye on Bella. You've got plenty of time. Jasper will be at the house soon, so you can fill him in on everything that is going on. Get cleaned up, help Jasper get the house ready for Carlisle and Esme, and then come back here. Tomorrow I'll talk to Bella and try to prepare her a bit. I'll let you know when it's time."

"What do I say?"

"Well, first you have to apologize for being such an ass. Then you have to tell her how much she means to you, and you have to let her know how sorry you are that you hurt her. She's going to need your complete honesty, Edward. But I can't tell you exactly what to say; you have to follow your heart. Then we just have to take it one day at a time."

I was still nervous as hell, but I was slightly cheered by the fact that I had Alice in my corner. I stood up and pulled her up with me. "Any chance you can see how this is going to go?" I hedged.

"Sorry, Edward. Bella's future is just one big haze for me right now. But I know that she needs you; I don't need a vision to tell me that. Now get going!"

"Yes, ma'am," I consented as I rose. "I just need to do one thing first."

Alice followed me back to the house, and we both entered through the kitchen. I needed just one more glimpse of my beloved angel to get me through the night. Bella was still sleeping soundly, her breathing peaceful and sweet. I didn't dare touch her, but just the sight of her gave me hope for what was to come.

I leaned over and gave Alice a quick peck on the cheek before disappearing.

I ran to the house, my movements swift and determined. It wasn't the carefree flight that I had enjoyed when I had carried Bella safely on my back, but it was more comforting than the running I had done in recent months. My steps were purposeful now; I wasn't wandering aimlessly, wallowing in the pain that I had brought upon myself. I was going to talk to Bella tomorrow. The thought both thrilled and terrified me.

As I arrived at the house, Jasper was removing his suitcases from his car. We greeted one another with a simple hug. We had no need for words in that moment. I knew what he was thinking, and he knew what I was feeling. He was a little overwhelmed at all of the different emotions coursing through my mind, but he was comforted that among them was a glimmer of hope, something he had not sensed from me in months.

There wasn't much to do to get the house ready, but we worked together to get it done quickly. We turned on the water valves, flipped the circuit breakers to return power to the house, and let the faucets run briefly to get rid of any stagnant water. I lit the pilot lights on the hot water heaters, while Jasper made his way through the house, plugging all of the electrical appliances back in. The tasks were extremely mundane, but each one brought its own bit of comfort. Esme had covered some of the furniture before we left, so we removed the sheets and folded them. The house would still need a good cleaning, but it was functional and feeling almost like home again. I knew how much Esme had loved this house and how much she had hoped we would be able to return some day.

After we finished the house preparations, I headed to my room to clean up and change clothes. As I walked through the empty halls, I remembered the day I had brought Bella here for the first time. She had been so brave! And I had been so happy to finally be able to share everything about my history with her. She was extraordinary!

I checked the clock on my cell phone as I made my way into my bedroom. It was only 2:00 AM. I still had plenty of time. I browsed through my CD collection, looking for something that suited my mood. I had taken my very favorites with me and left them in New York, but I settled on a CD with different interpretations of Pachelbel's _Canon in D_. When I had fantasized about our wedding, I had always imagined this would be the song Bella would choose for her wedding march. I had never admitted such to her, but I had dreamed of marrying her from the day I first heard her say my name in her sleep. I wanted nothing more than to one day make her my wife.

I settled onto my couch and let the music flow around me. I was no longer despondent, having a renewed hope that I might be reunited with Bella. I knew there was an equal chance that she would reject me, but I also knew that if I dwelt on that fact, I would not be able to summon the courage to go to her as I knew I needed to.

So, I concentrated on happier memories. I remembered the day I took her to the meadow and we had declared our feelings for one another. I relived the first night that she spent in my arms. Even knowing what I was and how much of a temptation her blood was to me, she trusted me enough to fall asleep in my arms. What a gift! I chuckled a bit when I thought of prom, of the fit she had thrown when she realized where I was taking her. And then a whole new feeling spread through me when I remembered how beautiful she looked in that stunning blue dress. I was beginning to get aroused, and I cursed myself for even thinking such thoughts. But the truth was that everything about me was attracted to Bella. I loved her with my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body. I longed to be with her in _every_ way…

I jumped up quickly and made my way to the bathroom. I couldn't let my mind go _there_. But I knew that if Bella gave me another chance, I would not waste it being quite as cautious as I had been in the past.

I took my time in the shower, washing away the vestiges of my recent travels. I let the warm water run over me, and I tried to formulate a plan in my head for what I would say later to Bella. I would have to be honest, yet careful. I didn't want to overwhelm her, but I didn't want to leave anything unsaid either.

I dressed simply in blue jeans and a rust-colored v-neck sweater. I checked myself in the mirror, ran my hands through my hair a couple of times and made my way down to Alice and Jasper's room. "Hey, Jazz," I greeted him aloud for the first time.

"Edward," he smiled in my direction. He was unpacking his bags and getting the room ready for Alice's arrival.

"Alice will be happy to see you. She hates being away from you, you know."

He winked at me before replying, "It's a mutual thing. I don't feel whole unless she is with me."

"I know what you mean," I admitted. I told him about how Alice had helped and "encouraged" me as I had worked through some of my demons last night. He couldn't help but grin as he imagined tiny little Alice giving me just a fraction of the lecture I had deserved. "I hope you don't mind if I borrow Alice for a while. I have a feeling Bella and I are both going to need her while we work through some of this mess."

"Not at all, bro," he said as he slugged me good-naturedly on the arm. "You might have your hands full, though."

I grinned in response. "I'm going to head back over to Bella's. I want to be there when she wakes up; I don't want to miss anything. I'm sure Alice will be here as soon as she can later today." As I realized how quickly the time was passing, I started to feel really nervous about what I was heading into. I hadn't a clue which way things were going to go.

Jasper read my nervousness and tried to reassure me. "You guys were meant to be together. It will all work out."

My smile was more half-hearted this time. I hoped he was right.

I took my time heading back over to Bella's. It was still early, the first light not quite peeking over the horizon. I grew more and more uneasy with each step. I knew that I loved Bella, that I wanted – no needed – her in my life. I knew that in her I had found my soul mate. But I was still worried about the danger that being in close proximity to my world could bring to her. And I was deathly afraid that I had mangled our love beyond repair.

I had to be careful not to be seen in the coming light of day, so I hung back in the shadows as I approached the house. I stayed away, under the green cover of the trees and ferns, but remained close enough to hear the gentle thrum of Bella's heartbeat.

Charlie was an early riser, so it wasn't long before he began moving around the house. He would be helping Sue with Harry's funeral arrangements today. When he came downstairs, Alice joined him in the kitchen. He gave her the biggest smile he could muster, but he was not looking forward to the next couple of days.

While Charlie fixed breakfast for them, Alice sat at the small kitchen table. I wasn't prepared for the direction she decided to take.

"How bad was it, Charlie?" she asked softly.

Charlie sighed. "Real bad."

"Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left."

Charlie paused, and I was crippled by the vision in his head. I saw what had happened the day I left. Charlie's memory was filled with panic; Bella had not returned from the forest. And then I saw through Charlie's eyes as Sam Uley carried a lifeless Bella back from the depths of the forest and put her in Charlie's arms. I saw her face, and I felt the utter despair that Charlie felt as he realized what I had done. No matter how long I lived, that image would be burned into my mind, a painful reminder of the damage I had inflicted. My leaving had done that to her, and there was no doubt in my mind that her feelings for me had been just as strong as mine had been for her.

"I've never felt so helpless," Charlie began slowly. "I didn't know what to do. That first week – I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic,' but I didn't let him up to see her." Again, the visual images of what Charlie described assaulted my mind, and the hatred I felt for myself began to eat away at the hope I had felt earlier.

"She snapped out of it though?" Alice asked.

"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one…if she had to go to the hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave – and then she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here…and she did seem to get better at first…"

"But?" Alice prompted.

"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was…empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things – she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CD's broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finally figured it out – she was avoiding everything that might remind her of…him.

"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her – the littlest things would make her flinch – and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something.

"She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling.

"It was the night of the living dead around here. I still hear her screaming in her sleep…"

With each of these confessions, a visual memory came to Charlie's mind. I felt like I had experienced the entire horrific experience with him. And then, not only was I ashamed and disgusted by the pain I had inflicted on the person who meant more to me than the entire world, I was also deeply repentant for the hurt I had caused Charlie. How was I ever going to earn my way back into his good graces?

"I'm so sorry, Charlie," Alice said, voice glum.

"It's not _your_ fault." It was perfectly clear he was holding me completely responsible, as he should. "You were always a good friend to her."

"She seems better now, though," Alice tried to console him. But we all knew that "better" was only a slight improvement and the current situation was still more than unsettling.

"Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She's happier. He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think maybe it's something more now, or headed in that direction, anyway." Charlie was hoping Alice would pass the message along to me, that Bella had someone else in her life now and that I had a good reason to stay away. "Jake's old for his years," he continued, still a bit defensive. "He's taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good-looking kid, too – takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know," he insisted, although it sounded like he was trying to convince himself as well as Alice.

"Then it's good she has him," Alice agreed.

Charlie sighed out a big gust of air, folding quickly to the lack of opposition. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know…even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. It's not normal, Alice, and it…it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone…left her, but like someone died." His voice cracked.

Of course it wasn't normal. The love that Bella and I shared was born of the world of make-believe. It was stronger than anything rational, anything of this world. How could I have ever thought that she could return to normal, unchanged by all that we had shared?

Charlie went on in a hopeless tone. "I don't know if she's going to get over it – I'm not sure if it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things, change her mind."

"She's one of a kind," Alice agreed.

Even though it had been extremely painful, I was glad for the experience of seeing the last six months through Charlie's eyes. I truly understood the depth of the damage I had done, but I also was strangely comforted. Bella's love for me was stronger than I had imagined. I knew that she loved me, but I had been blind to the true profundity of it. And hearing Charlie's last words gave me hope. _She doesn't get past things, change her mind._ I hoped that was true, that she had not changed her mind about loving me, about wanting to be part of my world.

Alice and Charlie chatted briefly a bit more before Bella awoke and groaned from the living room. Alice left to check on Bella, and Charlie left for Sue's house.

I felt a fresh wave of sheer panic hit me as I realized that the moment of truth was fast approaching.

Alice convinced Bella to shower and change clothes, so that Bella wouldn't feel self-conscious when I showed up later. While Bella was showering, I flew with lightning speed into the kitchen.

"Alice," I whispered, keeping my voice low so that Bella wouldn't hear, "are you sure about this? After seeing what I've put her through these last six months, after seeing those memories through Charlie's eyes, I'm more convinced than ever that I don't deserve her. I should stay away." I was frantic and half-crazed, partially from nerves and partially from the self-loathing that had begun to work its way back to the surface.

Alice put her hands on my chest and forced me to look into her eyes. "Edward, you have to do this. She needs for you to do this, and you're going to go crazy if you wait any longer. I don't know how it's going to go, but I do know that if you chicken out now, you will never know what might have been. Good or bad, it's time to move forward."

I knew she was right. I had to know. I knew I wouldn't survive the heartbreak if she told me she wanted nothing to do with me, but I also knew that my sanity wouldn't hold out much longer as I struggled with the unknowns. I took a deep, shaky breath and nodded at Alice.

"Now, go back outside and wait for me. I need to talk to her first; she needs at least a little preparation so that you won't completely blindside her." Alice turned me toward the door, and I left automatically.

Now more than ever, I was riveted on the sounds coming from the house. I heard Bella turn off the shower and slowly dress herself. The events of the previous day had obviously taken a toll on her. Later, she made her way downstairs where Alice was waiting in the living room.

Alice patted the couch next to her. She started simply, "Sit down, we need to talk."

**A/N: Thank you all for sticking with me this long. I know it's felt like forever, but I really needed Edward to see the depth of the damage he had done, to everyone. The next chapter is what you've been waiting for...the reunion. Please leave me a review and let me know what you think! :)  
**


	8. Reunion

**Chapter 8 - Reunion  
**

I felt like an idiot rooted to the ground outside the door of Bella's house, and I was amazed yet again at the power that this frail, human girl had over me. I hadn't experienced nervousness in almost a hundred years, but the emotion coursed through me, burning me like a flame. What if she hated me? What if she didn't want me anymore? What if I the damage I had done was irreparable?

I tried to calm myself as I listened to what Alice had to say. I needed to be strong, confident; those were the qualities that had drawn Bella to me in the first place. I wanted to be the man she had fallen in love with. I wanted to erase her memory of the cold-hearted monster that had abandoned her six months ago in the forest, to tell her how horribly wrong I had been.

Bella sat down on the couch next to Alice, eying her warily.

Alice began hesitantly, "Bella, we have to talk about Ed-"

Bella interrupted her, holding up her hand and signaling Alice to stop. "No, Alice. Please. I…can't," she said weakly, looking down and away. Her breathing became erratic, and she wrapped her right arm around her chest, like she was trying to hold herself together. The pain was obvious in her face, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her and take that pain away. She tried to change the subject and said shakily, "Let's talk about something else. How are Carlisle and Esme? Where is everyone else?"

Alice filled Bella in briefly concerning the rest of the family, but she quickly returned stubbornly to the subject Bella wanted so desperately to avoid. "Bella?" Alice began, lowering her head so that Bella was forced to look at her. "I know how much it hurts. I really do. Would you believe me if I told you that Edward is hurting just as much as you are right now?"

"No." The word stung, especially since I could see the conviction behind it.

"It's true." Alice took Bella by the shoulders, looked into her eyes, and said simply, "He's here. He's right outside."

Bella's face paled, and her breathing stopped altogether. Her eyes went wild and filled with tears, and she shook her head slowly from side to side, as if she were in a daze. Neither Alice nor I was expecting such a strong reaction, and it scared us.

Alice took Bella's face into her hands and tried her best to calm her, "Bella, Bella, listen. It's OK. You need to breathe, Bella. Calm down. This is a good thing."

Bella's eyes were wide with disbelief. "_Why?" _she choked out. "Did you tell him-?"

Alice shook her head before Bella could finish her question. "No. He just showed up; trust me, I was just as surprised as you are."

"Alice, I don't think I can…" she trailed off.

"He came to see you. He wants to make things right."

The tears spilled over, and Bella brushed them away. She stood up and said in a whisper, "I'm sorry, Alice. I can't. When he leaves again…" she couldn't finish her sentence, and she turned and fled, taking the steps two at a time to her room.

I could hear her throw herself on the bed, and even though she buried her face in a pillow, I could still hear the muffled sobs as clearly as if I were lying right next to her. I couldn't stay away any longer. I opened the door to the house and met Alice in the living room. She was hurting for her friend, and we both stared at each other for a moment, both wanting to do what was best for Bella and neither knowing exactly what that was.

"What should I do, Alice?" I implored. "She doesn't want to see me." I wanted to respect Bella's wishes, but I also understood the misapprehension that she was under. She was scared to let me back in, afraid that I would leave again.

"Yes she does, Edward," Alice comforted me. She grasped my hand in hers and gave me a knowing look. "She's just trying to protect herself. It's perfectly understandable."

"So, do I respect her wishes and leave?" The idea was incomprehensible. Standing in her living room, I was drawn by an unseen force, pulling me toward my soul mate. The closer I got, the stronger I felt the attraction. "I can't go, Alice. I have to talk to her; I have to at least try."

"I know. Let's give her a minute, and then I'll go up and talk to her. I'll let her know that you're down here and that she can come down when she's ready. Maybe she just needs to get used to the idea; she was completely shocked when I told her you were here."

That much was obvious. "She believed me, Alice. I promised her that she would never have to see me again, and no matter how much it hurt, she had complete confidence that I would keep my promise." I had seen the shock on her face, and I knew that in a twisted way my coming back had broken her faith in me yet again. She truly had believed that she would never see me again.

Alice and I gave Bella a few moments to calm herself, the sobs coming less violently now. But before Alice could start making her way upstairs, we heard the door to Bella's room slowly creak open. She haltingly made her way to the top of the stairs.

Alice was standing at the bottom step, encouraging Bella to move forward. "Is he…?" Bella whispered, although I could hear her perfectly well.

Alice just nodded. Bella made her way down the stairs, her movements measured and slow. Time drug relentlessly, but I would wait as long as Bella needed. I sat down on the couch, willing her to come to me. I wondered if she was feeling the same tug I was feeling. We were soul mates after all; that had to work both ways, didn't it?

When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she took a shaky breath. Alice grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "He's waiting for you," she said simply, tilting her head toward the living room. "I'll give you some privacy. Jasper arrived last night, too, and I want to see him. If you need me, I'll be back in a flash."

Bella nodded, but I wasn't so sure I wanted Alice to leave. What if I needed her advice? What if I screwed everything up and Bella needed someone to run to? _Go easy on her, Edward, _Alice warned me with her thoughts. _Don't overwhelm her, and just be honest. Remember, she needs you._

Alice gave Bella a quick peck on the cheek and disappeared. The house was eerily silent now that I couldn't hear Alice's thoughts. I had grown accustomed to her dizzying mental ramblings, and the new silence was deafening. So I concentrated on every sound emanating from Bella's body – the shallow sound of the air as it whooshed gently in and out of her lungs, the furious pounding of her blood as it pumped through her veins, the soft undulation of her hair as it swayed gently when she walked, the muffled padding of her socks against the hardwood floor. I closed my eyes briefly as after what felt like an eternity, I heard Bella begin to move toward the living room. When she finally came into view, it took all of my strength to keep from taking those last few steps to close the distance between us. I wanted her safely in my arms more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. But I knew that whatever happened needed to be on her terms, so I locked my body into place and waited.

I tried my best to relax; I think I smiled, but I may have only made an attempt. I shifted a bit on the couch so that I was facing her as she moved forward, and I drank in every drop of her with my eyes. I was finally seeing her, up close and personal, with my very own eyes! God she was beautiful! Her eyes were red and puffy, and they lacked the chocolate depth in which I had once been accustomed to letting myself drown. But she was still perfect, every last inch of her.

My hands longed to reach out to her, to hold her close to me. I needed the solace that could only be found in her loving embrace. I wanted to bury my face in her luxurious hair and glide my lips along her exquisite jawbone, to feel the pulse of her sweet blood pumping through her veins. Every ounce of strength I possessed was required of me in that moment. I wasn't sure how long my restraint would last.

I cleared my throat, not sure if I should speak or wait for her to begin. The sound seemed to spur her on a bit, and she made her way to the end of the couch. She lowered herself into a seated position, leaning her back against the armrest and pulling her knees close to her chest, facing me but keeping her distance at the same time. It was with great sadness that I realized that she felt a need to leave a void between us.

Her caution pained me. I had imagined our reunion a million times during the depths of the despair I had experienced in the last half-year, but it had never played out like this. In my fantasies, it had always been a cheerful moment, each of us rejoicing in being able to be together once again. But I was an idiot to have thought that my leaving would not have strong ramifications.

"Bella," I finally managed. As I spoke, I saw a wistful sadness make its way across her lovely face, as if the sound of my voice brought her pain. I truly did not know how to begin. "I needed to come here, to apologize..." I faltered, and she stared at me, saying nothing, revealing nothing.

"I was wrong, Bella, about everything." I decided to lay it all on the line; what did I have to lose? "I thought I was protecting you, but I was so stupid to think that leaving you was any sort of solution to the problem that I blamed myself for creating. I only wanted to keep you safe, and I truly thought that removing my presence from your life was the only option. But I thought of you every minute that I was away; my torment growing stronger and stronger until I realized that my life is meaningless without you. I hate myself for the damage that I've done, and I know that you must hate me, too."

I hung my head in my hands, dropping my gaze from her blank expression.

"I could never hate you, Edward," she said the words that gave me hope, and I looked up quickly. But there was no love or acceptance in her eyes. "I've tried to hate you; I've wanted nothing more than to be angry with you. But even when I replay the words that you said to me in the forest, I feel only sorrow for the loss of what could have been."

Her words and the hopelessness in her voice shot a dagger through my soul. She talked about our relationship as if it were a thing of the past, as if there were no hope.

"Bella, please," I begged. "Please forgive me. I could spend the rest of eternity on my knees, and you would still not be able to understand the depth of my sorrow. I am so sorry."

"What are you sorry for, Edward?" she asked. "You did what you thought was best; you did what you always do. I should have known I was taking that risk in getting involved with you, that your stubbornness and pigheadedness could win out over your love for me if the right circumstances presented themselves."

"Oh, Bella," I groaned. I leaned toward her, willing her to see the earnestness in my eyes. "I was wrong! Nothing could possibly matter more to me than you. Nothing! And I _am_ sorry! For everything! I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for lying to you, for planting the seed of doubt in your mind concerning my feelings for you. I'm sorry for not protecting you from Victoria and for sending you into the arms of werewolves. I'm sorry for making promises that I couldn't keep. I'm sorry-"

"It's okay, Edward, really," she interrupted, sighing and turning her head, her eyes staring through the window at nothing. "You don't have to feel guilty. It's not your job to protect me from everything; you can't hold yourself responsible for everything that happens to me. Just go back to your distractions; I'll be fine."

"Bella!" I implored, willing her to look at me. I didn't want to "dazzle" her this time; I wanted whatever decision she made to be what _she_ wanted, but I also needed her to see the sincerity in my eyes. She turned her face back toward me, and I leaned forward in earnest. "I'm not here because I feel guilty! I do feel guilty, insanely so, but I'm here because I couldn't stay away. There were no distractions. I thought of you every second I was away, reliving every moment that we spent together over and over again. I thought they would bring me solace, but the memories only caused me pain. I need to be with you, Bella. Please tell me that I'm not too late."

She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She sighed, "This is all so strange. I've wished for nothing more than this moment for so long, and now that it's here, I just don't know. I always imagined what I would say to you if I ever had the chance…" She didn't continue, and I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to hear what she had imagined saying to me.

"What can I say, Bella? What can I do to make it right?"

"I don't know if there's anything you can say or do. You made a choice, Edward. I loved you, trusted you, believed you, and you threw it all away. You didn't care what I wanted or needed; you left me all alone, taking Alice and everyone else away with you. All my dreams, my plans, everything. Gone."

I scooted closer toward her, still maintaining careful non-contact. My restraint was fading, though. If I could only hold her in my arms, I could show her how much I needed her; I cursed myself for putting this distance between us.

"I'm so sorry. I keep saying that, and it sounds so trite and simple. But it's true, Bella. I wish I could go back and undo the damage that I've done. To never have left you, to never have lied to you and broken your faith in me – I would give anything!"

We sat in tortured silence for what seemed like eternity. Every once in a while, Bella would shift in her seat, run her hands through her hair, trace the lines of one had with her other one, and every movement stirred up her scent. I drank it in, and I was amazed at the comfort that it brought. No longer did I have any desire for her blood; her scent was more like home to me. It still caused a burning sensation in my throat, but that was a small price to pay for the solace of having her near, knowing that she was safe.

I didn't know what else to say, and I was afraid I was running out of time. I had harbored no delusions that Bella would accept me back instantaneously, but I was a little surprised that my words didn't seem to be having any effect on her at all. It was as if she had spent the last six months building a wall that she had locked her heart behind. She was protecting herself, determined to never feel the sort of pain that I had inflicted on her ever again. I had to find a way to break down that wall; I didn't care how long it would take or what I would have to suffer.

Finally, Bella spoke. "Why did you come here, Edward?"

"I told you. I came here to apologize."

"You came all the way back from wherever you were just to apologize? And you just happened to show up the same day as Alice? That seems like a bit much of a coincidence to me."

"Well, to be honest, I didn't _plan_ to come back at all." She winced at those words, and I knew what she was thinking. "It just sort of happened. I've been wandering for a long time, and yesterday I found myself close to Forks. I couldn't stay away; I just had to see you, to make sure you were safe."

"So you were checking up on me. How often do you do that, Edward? Once a month, once every two months?"

"Bella, I swear to you that I have not been checking up on you. Yesterday was the first I've been inside the state of Washington since the day I…left."

"So you were just going to make sure I was okay. Then what? You were going to leave again?"

"Yes," I answered meekly. "That was the idea." This was not going at all as I had hoped. I knew that my answer would hurt her even more, but I couldn't help but be honest. I knew that if she was ever going to trust me again, I had to be truthful, no matter the cost.

She sat up a little straighter, a small fire beginning to burn behind her eyes. I hated that she was upset with me, but I was elated to finally see some emotion moving behind the surface of her highly controlled façade.

"Well, that's just great, Edward! It must be nice for you to be able to come and go so easily, able to leave me not once, but twice."

"But Bella," I begged, "that's just it! Don't you see? I couldn't leave. That's why I'm here now. It was the epitome of foolishness on my part to think that I could ever let you go. Once I saw you, I knew that I could never leave you again. And when I thought that you were dead, all I could think about was how closely I could follow-"

Bella's eyes flew open wide and she held up her hand to silence me. "What do you mean you thought I was dead? When exactly did you get here?"

The shame was evident on my face as I looked down at my hands. This honesty was becoming a real bitch. "I got here yesterday morning. I watched you get in your truck, and I followed you to the Quileute Border. I couldn't bear to let you out of my sight, but I couldn't risk breaking the treaty. I waited and waited for you to come home, and then Alice showed up." I paused and looked up, hoping that would be enough. But she was patiently waiting for me to continue. "I saw the vision of you through her thoughts, but I hid from her. I wanted to leave, to go to the Volturi the minute I thought you were gone to this life, but I saw a glimmer of hope in Alice's thoughts. And I knew that I couldn't leave without finding out what really happened."

Bella's face flushed red and her hands began to tremble. I couldn't be certain, but I thought I read a mixture of anger and embarrassment in her features. She dropped her face into her hands and said softly, "So that's why you're here. You think I was trying to kill myself, and you stayed out of some sick sense of obligation."

I shook my head, ready to contradict her, but she continued. "It's okay, Edward. I promise that I wasn't trying to kill myself. You can leave now, really. I don't want you to stay because you feel sorry for me or because you feel like you need to make anything up to me. I'm not suicidal, and I'm not your responsibility anymore." She nodded toward the door as if the conversation was over.

The last of my restraint broke when I heard her say those words, and I moved toward her. I moved off of the couch and knelt beside her. I took her hand in mine, enjoying ever so briefly the warmth of her touch that I had longed for so desperately these last months. I looked earnestly into her eyes and hoped that she could see the depth of my emotions. I had to find something to say that would explain to her how much I needed her, that my being here had nothing to do with any sense of obligation. I couldn't let her send me away.

"Bella, love," – her pulse thudded erratically as I fell into the old habit of using that term of endearment – "I am here because I cannot imagine spending another second of my life without you. You are the light to my never-ending night; you deserve so much better than me, but I am here because _I_ cannot live without _you_. I want to love you and cherish you and protect you, not out of any sense of obligation, but simply because I love you. _You are my life_, Bella."

Her heart began to beat faster as her emotions began to surface. As I stared into her angelic face, a tear slid from her eye, and she whispered, "You said that before, Edward. Remember? And it wasn't enough to keep you with me then."

I reached up and wiped the tear with my thumb, cupping the side of her face with my hand. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch, giving me the first inkling that she was comforted by my presence. "I'm so sorry, love," I said gravely, working around the lump in my throat. "I know that you have no reason to trust me, but I promise you that I will never leave you again. I'll only leave your side if you order me away, and even then I won't go far. I _will_ prove to you that you mean more to me than life itself, no matter how long it takes."

She reached over to me and touched my face with her hand. The warmth of her touch calmed me, and I closed my eyes to memorize the sensation. She ran her thumb over my eye, my nose, the hollow beneath my eye. Then as I felt her thumb trace my lips, I felt a tremor from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes. It wasn't sexual, but it was powerful. The things this woman could make me feel!

When I opened my eyes, I was surprised at the powerful emotions playing across Bella's face. The tears began to fall more freely, as all the pain of my leaving bared itself in the anguish she shared with me. I could resist her no longer.

I stood up and smoothly gathered her into my arms. She buried her face in my chest, and I lowered myself into Charlie's recliner, rocking my angel gently and whispering words of love into her ear. Her body was wracked with sobs, and she clutched my shirt in her fist as she released the pain, fear, anger, and betrayal she had been trying so hard to bottle up. I prayed that this was a new beginning for us. I knew that all the damage I had done could not be fixed in a day, but I pulled her close to me and vowed to never let her go.

**A/N: Well, what did you think?!? Drop me a note and let me know.**


	9. Hope

Chapter 9

_**A/N: I'm so grateful to SM for creating this universe and these characters that I have a chance to play with. However, we are now solidly into the "alternate" part of my New Moon ending. These are my ideas for how things could have gone; as such, if you want a perfect "canon" story, this isn't it. My Bella is a little spunkier, my Edward a little more passionate. I hope you enjoy it!**_

After a while, Bella's sobs became less and less frequent, and her breathing returned to normal. Her heartbeat slowed, and without a word she fell asleep in my arms. I held her and rocked her and rejoiced simply in having her in my arms once again. When her hand went limp against my chest, I picked it up and put it to my face. Her touch warmed me to my core!

I leaned in to breathe in her scent at her wrist and languished in both the pain and the comfort that it brought. The fire that coursed down my throat was a welcome reminder that Bella was indeed alive and back in my arms. I would welcome the pain for eternity if it meant that I could have Bella back in my life.

It was midday, and everything was quiet. I tried not to think too much, but I couldn't help but wonder where I stood with Bella. I wanted nothing more than for things to return to normal for Bella and myself. I wanted to go back to the comfortable way things had been between us, reveling in the glory of our young love. But I knew that it would not be so simple; I had caused Bella too much pain. So I began to formulate a plan to woo her, to show her how much I loved her. If I had to, I would spend the rest of eternity making up for the pain that I had caused.

After a while I heard Bella's breathing increase. Her heartbeat accelerated just a bit, and she became a little restless, just as she had always done when she was dreaming. Then she began to speak. "Edward…" she breathed. I couldn't help but smile. Then a few seconds later, "Jake…" I turned to stone and tried to restrain the jealousy that pulsed through me. In all the nights that I had watched Bella sleep, she had never uttered another name besides my own. I wanted to be angry, but I had no one to be angry with but myself. Then she whispered one word that sent my mind into a tailspin: "…love…" And then she was silent.

I tried desperately to organize the scattered thoughts whizzing through my brain. What did this mean? Did she love him? Or me? She had mentioned us both. I cursed the glitch that rendered me impotent to read her thoughts.

I began running through the possibilities in my mind, but they all brought me back to two realizations. First, I had to fight for Bella. I had to do everything in my power to convince her of my love for her. And, most importantly, I had to keep her safe. Werewolves were not safe, of that I was certain. So any relationship with Jacob Black was out of the question.

About an hour later, Bella began to show signs of waking. I continued to hold her, running my hand down her long, silky hair and placing soft kisses on her head. Her eyes eventually fluttered open, and she looked into mine for the briefest of moments. She began to shy away from me, but I could sense a hesitancy in her movements.

I wanted to pull her back firmly into my arms, to join my lips with hers, to show her with my body how much I needed to be close to her. But I didn't dare presume that Bella would want me in the same way. There was a time that I knew without a doubt how much Bella loved me. I could see it in her eyes, feel it through the warmth of her touch, and on the rare occasions that I let myself get carried away with her, I could smell it in her arousal. She never tried to hide her feelings for me, but now it was almost as if I could sense her reassembling the wall that I had eagerly hoped we had been breaking down earlier.

She moved off of my lap, and I quickly moved after her. I stood silently behind her, and I placed my hands on her shoulders. She didn't shrug away from my touch, so I leaned in and rested my head on top of hers. After a moment, she reached up with her right hand and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

I wasn't sure how much more of this silence I would be able to endure, when the growling of Bella's stomach gave me a reprieve. We both chuckled slightly, and the tension was relieved a bit.

"You must be hungry," I said as I began to steer Bella toward the kitchen. She was moving slowly, and I was reminded of her near-death experience of yesterday. I winced at the memory, and I was grateful that Bella could not see my face. I quickly put on a more cheerful expression as I guided Bella to her chair at the kitchen table. She sat down, and I kneeled down to look her in the eye. "What can I fix for you?"

She gave me a slightly incredulous look; she knew I didn't know much about human food. Then her face took on a slightly playful expression. "I don't know. What's your specialty?" she teased.

Excited beyond measure by the glimpse of the Bella I had once known, I winked and said, "Hmmm…How about some fish? I know how much you love it, and I'm sure it's been ages since you've had any. I'm sure I could whip up something delightful." I knew Bella had grown tired of fish in all of its forms, but she suffered for Charlie's sake.

She shook her head woefully. "Is that my only option?" she groaned and looked at me with her eyebrows pinched together.

"Well, I can probably rustle up something else if you're sure that you don't want any fish."

"_Anything_ else," she begged. "I think we have some cereal and milk; that will be fine. I can get it."

As she began to stand up, I gently put my hand on her arm, signaling her to stay in the chair. "Bella, I am not going to have you eating cereal and milk when I am perfectly capable of fixing you something with some nutritional value. You need your strength. How about some sautéed chicken and vegetables?"

She looked at me incredulously for just a moment before she decided to go along with my charade. I could tell that she was a bit nervous about how this little experiment was going to turn out. I didn't tell her that I had filled many a night with cooking shows and that before her birthday party I had been planning to wow her with an amazing home-cooked meal for our anniversary. Admittedly, I was a bit nervous – I had watched and even practiced some of the techniques, but I had no idea if anything I had ever cooked was worth eating.

It felt like an odd role-reversal. Bella sat at the kitchen table while I moved around preparing the food. I found all of the ingredients easily, and I began the cooking process. Although I was fighting my nerves a bit, I was pleased to be able to take care of Bella in such a simple way. I wanted nothing more than to be able to provide for her needs in every way for the rest of eternity.

Once the food was finished, I made sure Bella had everything she needed before I sat down across from her. She looked slightly impressed by the finished product, and I encouraged her to eat. After a few bites, I could tell that she was growing self-conscious. I imagine it was always weird for her, having me sit and watch her as she ate.

She looked down at her plate and spoke, "So, what have you been up to?"

I wasn't prepared for her question, and it caught me off guard. I wasn't sure if she really wanted to know or if she was just making small talk. I cleared my throat and tried to play it off lightly, "Oh, nothing much really."

"Hmpf," she snorted lightly. "It's OK. I probably don't want to know."

She laid her fork down although she wasn't halfway done, and I could see the panic begin to rise in her face. She put her hands in her lap, and I knew that she was twisting her fingers together in the nervous fashion that she always had.

I needed to reassure her before her imagination got the best of her. I leaned across the table and gently lifted her chin with my finger. She looked up, but she avoided my eyes, dodging me when I tried to get her to look at me. Finally, I came around the table and knelt in front of her again. I took her hands in mine to calm the twisting, and I rested my forehead against hers. "Bella, I swear that I have done nothing but think of you the entire time I've been away. You have nothing to worry about. Since I met you, everything in my life has been about you."

"Then why won't you tell me?" she whispered, and the agony was undisguised in her voice.

"Truthfully? I'm embarrassed. I don't want you to think less of me." 

She seemed surprised by my admission, but I could tell that it had also kicked her curiosity up a notch. So, as I always did with Bella, I gave in.

"How about this? You eat, I'll talk."

She nodded her assent, and I let go of her hands. I pulled my chair around to the end of the table so that I was sitting next to her. She picked up her fork and took a bite, and I cleared my throat and tried to decide where to begin.

This time it was my turn to look down. "When I left, I followed the rest of my family to New York. I tried very hard to relax into the new life everyone was beginning there, but after a very short while I realized that the situation was much too painful. I know that my family loves me, but they had no idea what to do with me. I was rather pathetic, and although I tried to hide it, my misery affected everyone. The situation was awkward at best, and being able to read everyone's thoughts just made it even worse. Their thoughts oozed with pity for me. They knew how difficult it was for me to leave, to be away from you, so they tried not to be too happy around me. They even tried to hide their affectionate feelings for one another around me. I know they were acting out of love, but I couldn't stand knowing that it was my presence that was keeping everyone from being happy. I was making Jasper's life a living hell, too. He had to deal with my emotions on a daily basis. One day I caught him thinking about asking Alice to leave the others and head out somewhere on their own. At that moment, my mind was made up. I left everyone a note and set out."

Bella had stopped eating, so I looked up shyly. Her face gave me no clue about what she was thinking. She looked merely interested. When she popped another bite of chicken in her mouth, I continued, "I began wandering. I didn't want any company; I didn't want anything except to be with you and have you in my arms again. I worried constantly about what you were doing, about whether or not you were safe. I tormented myself with memories of our time together, doing anything to see your face and hear your voice, even if they were only in my thoughts. For weeks at a time, I curled up into a ball and let misery have its way with me."

I stopped and looked into my lap, praying silently that Bella would not think less of me for these admissions. After a moment, Bella reached over and tried to lift my chin with her hand. I wanted to resist her, but I was powerless against her touch. I looked into her eyes, poorly disguising the shame in my own.

She said simply, "Edward, please don't be embarrassed. I'm so sorry for your pain, but it does help to know that I wasn't the only one suffering. Thank you for being honest with me. Keep going. Where did you go?"

I gathered courage from her response, and I continued, "For the most part I stuck to unpopulated areas, forests and mountains. Being around people was too difficult. I was frustrated easily by all of the stupid mundane complaints running through their heads. What did those people have to worry about? My true love was lost to me; everything else paled in comparison. So, I only ventured out of the unpopulated areas when absolutely necessary. I didn't hunt often, only when my base instincts took over. I had no appetite.

"One day I found myself close to Oregon, and I ran across a familiar scent." As I paused, I noticed that Bella was finished eating. But she rubbed my leg as a means of encouraging me to continue. "The scent was Victoria's."

Bella gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. She looked at me with wide eyes, and I knew I had to get through this quickly. "I decided to try my hand at tracking. I wanted to find Victoria, to punish her for helping James find you. I thought I was doing well, but I ended up in Brazil only to find that she was here. I had no idea…" I trailed off again, too embarrassed to look at Bella. When I thought about the possibility that Victoria could have gotten to Bella in my absence, I wanted to die. I should have stayed, protected her.

I stood up quickly and moved to the back door. I looked out the window and tried to compose myself. I didn't want Bella to see my weakness, and I was afraid to see the disappointment in me evident on her face.

After a moment, I heard Bella's chair scrape across the floor, and her footsteps approached. Her arms encircled my waist from behind, and she rested her head against my back. "Thank you, Edward," she said sincerely. "Thank you for being honest with me."

I loosened her arms and turned to face her. I pulled her close to me and buried my face in her hair. "Oh, Bella! I'm so sorry!"

We stood there for a few moments, locked in our embrace before the phone rang, pulling Bella away. I gave her some privacy and headed back to the living room. When she hung up, she came and sat down beside me.

"That was Charlie," she said. "He'll be home in about thirty minutes." She seemed saddened by that fact.

"You're worried about him aren't you?" I asked.

She sighed, "Yes, for several reasons. He worries about me all the time; his job has been really stressful lately with all of the reports of the monster bear; and now he's lost his best friend. He puts on a good front, but I know that he's hurting. I wish he had someone special in his life…"

"He'll be okay," I tried to reassure her weakly. "Charlie is tough, and he has you to help him. He may not say it, but your being here is a great comfort to him."

She smiled at me, and I could tell she appreciated my attempt. "Thanks," she said as she squeezed my hand.

We sat quietly for a few moments, and I dreaded bringing up the next question. "Bella," I started slowly, "Charlie will be home soon. Should he find me here?"

She thought briefly and then sighed and said, "Under the circumstances, I don't think that would be the best idea. I don't want you to go, but I think I'll need to prepare Charlie. He's not your biggest fan, you know."

I grimaced, but I knew it was true. "What can I expect?" I admitted. "I hurt you, and I deserve no less than his anger. But, Bella, if you give me another chance, I _will_ earn my way back into Charlie's good graces."

She looked away as if she wasn't quite ready to broach that subject, so I didn't press the issue. "Should I call Alice? She can come and keep you company, and I'm sure she'll do wonders for Charlie. I don't want to leave you for a second, but I'll feel much better if Alice is here with you."

She thought for a second and then said, "Yeah, call Alice, please. That would be great."

I gave her a wink and pulled out my phone, but Alice was on her way before I could even ask. "She's on her way," I reported.

Bella stood and began moving toward the door. I followed, very reluctantly. The thought of being away from Bella for any amount of time caused me great pain. I had lost enough time with her already, more than enough for a lifetime. But I didn't want to push things too quickly. Today's events were certainly encouraging, but I knew that we still had a lot to work through.

As I began to turn the knob on the door, Bella put her hand on my arm. She looked up at me, and I could read the trepidation in her eyes. "You'll come back, right?" she asked softly.

I took my hand off the door and wrapped her securely in my arms. I spoke earnestly into her ear, "I'm here for good, Bella. I promise. Tell me when you want me to come back, and I will be here."

"Tonight?" she whispered. "After Charlie's asleep."

"Are you sure, Bella?"

"Yes, Edward. I don't know how to explain everything I'm feeling right now, but I do know that the thought of being away from you just hurts."

Her words gave me hope, and I smiled a smile that seemed strange to my face. It had been a long time since I had any reason to be happy.

I grinned at her and vowed, "I'll be here." Alice had arrived and was giving us a bit of privacy to say goodbye, so I leaned over and gave Bella a kiss on the forehead. I hugged her to me and whispered in her ear, "I love you, Bella Swan." I didn't want her to think she had to say the words back, so I quickly turned and made my way into the forest.

I was pleasantly surprised to find Esme and Carlisle back at our house. Esme was busy flitting around, getting everything in perfect order. She and Alice had already gotten a lot of work done, but Esme really enjoyed taking care of some of the details on her own.

Jasper was reclined comfortably on the couch watching an old western, and Carlisle was up in his study. I waved at Jasper and headed upstairs.

Carlisle heard me coming and greeted me at the door of his study. He hugged me tightly, and his thoughts revealed how relieved he was to have me under his roof once more. He truly was my father in every sense of the word.

"Let's go for a walk," he suggested. "I've missed the scenery around here."

So, we headed outside and began meandering down one of the many trails that wound through the forest.

I filled him in on the events of the last several days. I confided in him about my feelings for Bella, how I knew that I could never be away from her again and how scared I was that she might send me away. We also discussed the present dangers, Victoria and the pack of werewolves in La Push. Carlisle and I were in agreement that Victoria must be dealt with and that young werewolves presented definite risks.

I told Carlisle about the words that Bella had mumbled in her sleep and about the fears that I had concerning the relationship between Bella and Jacob. I couldn't help but see him as competition. However, I was also indebted to him. He had saved Bella's life on more than one occasion, and for that I could overlook some of the bias that I instinctively felt toward him.

Simply talking to Carlisle helped calm my fears and give me some perspective. He didn't tell me what to do, and he didn't have any magic potion that would fix everything; however, just knowing that he was in my corner gave me peace that it would all work out.

When we returned to the house, all was quiet. I noticed that Esme had uncovered my piano and that it was ready to play. For the first time since I had recorded Bella's birthday CD, I sat down at the keys. I hovered there for a moment. Bella's presence in my life gave meaning to my music; without her, I could not play. It was simply too painful. However, with the renewed hope I felt after our time together today, I once again felt a desire to.

I touched my fingers to the keys and lost myself in the music. I played all of my favorites including Bella's lullaby. The music soothed me and kept me from thinking too much. I even began trying out a new tune that I had been working on in my head. It was another piece for Bella, not a lullaby this time, but something a bit more sensual. It was far from complete, but with Bella as my muse, I knew that I had all of the inspiration I needed.

The time passed quickly until I could head back to Bella's house. I guessed that Charlie would be heading to bed early, and I knew that Bella needed her rest. When I arrived, Alice and Bella were in the living room and Charlie was upstairs getting ready for bed. As soon as I could hear his even breathing, I knocked gently on the back door. Not more than a second later, Bella greeted me. She seemed genuinely happy to see me, and I was greatly encouraged by the light that I could see behind her eyes.

I really wanted to know what she and Alice had spent the last few hours talking about, but Alice was a professional at keeping me out of her thoughts. At the moment she was reciting _The Canterbury Tales _in Middle English in her head. I had a feeling that Alice wasn't trying to hide anything but that she was merely trying to protect Bella. She didn't want to betray Bella's confidence, and Bella did deserve to be able to have a conversation with her friend without fear that I would "hear" it all. And Bella seemed happy enough, so that was good enough for me.

Alice and Bella said their goodbyes, and as Bella shut the door, a yawn escaped her mouth. She looked at me sheepishly, and I responded simply by turning her toward the stairs. I waited downstairs as she got ready for bed, and when I heard her settling into her covers, I quickly and soundlessly made my way upstairs. She had left the door open for me, so I entered and closed it behind me. Charlie's even breathing was turning to snoring, so I knew that we were safe.

Bella's eyes were droopy, but she managed a smile for me. I wasn't sure what to do. We were in a very awkward place relationally, and I didn't want to do anything to upset our delicate balance. I stood there for a moment vacillating like an idiot between several options. About the time I decided to head for the rocking chair, Bella patted the space on the bed beside her. She was tucked under the covers, and I sat down on top. I wanted desperately to be under the covers with her. To feel her entire body pressed against mine, to trail kisses from her ear to her neck, sucking lightly on her supple flesh.

Bella cleared her throat and drew me from my fantasy. She drew one side of her hair forward so that it hid her face, and she looked down as she absently traced the pattern on her quilt.

"Bella," I began, "Are you sure that you want me here? I can stay downstairs or even outside. I refuse to leave you unprotected, but I don't have to be here with you if it makes you uncomfortable."

I could feel the blood in her veins begin to pump a little faster, and I marveled at her reaction. Was she nervous?

"No, Edward. I want you here; I really do. This is just a little strange. Things are not like they were before, no matter how much I want them to be, and I can't pretend that all of the hurt and all of the events of the last six months didn't happen. I've dreamed of nothing more than for things to go back to being just like they were before. I want to love you without fear that you're going to disappear again. But I can't ignore the hurt that I still feel, and some other things have changed as well." She paused for a moment and didn't elaborate on those "things". Her voice lowered to a whisper and she said, "In a way I wish that I _could_ send you away, that I could give you just a taste of the rejection that I felt when you pushed me away. Part of me wants to hurt you so you'll know how it felt. But at the same time I'm terrified that you would go, that you would listen to me. And I don't know how I would handle it if you left a second time."

I brushed the hair back from Bella's face and ran the back of my hand from her temple to her jaw. I wanted to apologize again for all the pain that I had caused, but the words kept coming out sounding so simple and shallow. So I just said simply, "I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I know I've broken promises I've made to you before, so I don't expect the words to mean very much. But they are true, and I will spend every day for the rest of eternity proving them to you if you will let me."

Bella looked up and gave me a weak smile. "I'd like that," she said.

That night I simply held Bella as she slept a dreamless sleep. She was comfortable in my arms, and I was in heaven to have my angel so close once again.

The next morning Alice returned before Charlie woke up, so that the girls could continue the slumber party charade. Charlie would be attending the funeral today, so Bella suggested I wait for him to leave before coming back.

I went home to take a shower and to pick up a gift I had bought for Bella. Even when I had planned on never seeing her again, I couldn't resist this gift when I saw it. I had hoped I would have a chance to give it to her, or maybe I just knew that I'd never be able to stay away forever.

I was full of hope for the coming day as I reached the edge of the woods near Bella's house. But that hope disappeared instantly as I caught a whiff of werewolf on the breeze. With superhuman speed I raced around to the front of the house, but I was too late.

Bella was locked in an embrace with Jacob Black. It looked like a friendly hug, but just seeing his arms around her sent off warning alarms in my head. Werewolves were not safe!! I reached out my hand toward them and shouted, "No, Bella!" My actions had revealed my presence to Jacob, and I took him by surprise.

I lived the events of the next second in slow motion as each thought in Jacob's mind became painfully clear. I saw the anger in his eyes. I relived the memory of Bella being pulled from the forest floor by Sam Uley, and I saw Bella curled up in a ball on the rocks next to the ocean, her arms wrapped around herself as if she were trying to hold herself together. I saw the pain in her eyes and the ghostlike quality of her features that Jacob had observed when she thought he wasn't looking. And I instantly understood that he blamed me.

And then I saw a russet wolf tearing me to pieces, as Jacob's fantasy was revealed to me. Not only did he blame me for the pain that Bella had gone through, he blamed me for his complicated existence as a werewolf. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to end my existence, as painfully as possible. Only then did I recognize the true danger because I realized that he was in no condition to control those desires. And Bella was too close.

In the instant that I knew what was happening, it was too late. Jacob phased, unable to control himself. And as Bella fell to the ground, I could instantly smell the intoxicating scent of her blood. "No!" I shouted at the same time that the wolf let loose a howl of agony.

_**A/N: Please leave me a review and let me know what you think. And thanks for being patient with me during my absence. Our family has been traveling extensively lately, but I should be able to get back to posting regularly now. Thanks for reading!!**_


	10. Racing

**Chapter 10**

I let loose a feral growl that shook the trees surrounding the house, and my first response was to attack. The werewolf was on our territory, and he had hurt Bella. Everything in my vampire nature said that he was going to have to suffer for that. But as I became overpowered by the scent of Bella's blood, I understood that saving her was infinitely more important than exacting my revenge at this point.

"Alice!" I yelled toward the house as I moved instinctively toward Bella. I needed to be with her, to hold her, to save her. I needed her to know that I loved her, that I was still here, that I would always be here. I had failed her so many times before; if she died while I was standing there with the power to save her, I would willingly sacrifice myself to the wolf. And the punishment would not be half what I deserved.

Jacob realized immediately what had happened, and I could read the horror and self-loathing in his thoughts. This had been his greatest fear, that his existence as a werewolf would put Bella in danger. And he hated himself. He wanted to run; he wanted to phase back and hold her in his arms; but in the end, he understood that he must stay in his wolf form and defend her. He knew that her blood was the strongest temptation I could possibly face, and he didn't trust me to not kill her.

He positioned himself between us, glancing back toward Bella with tormented eyes. She lay unmoving on the ground, unconscious. We could both hear her shallow breathing, but we also knew the grave danger that she was in. I feinted toward her several times, but Jacob's reflexes were quick. He was designed to handle anything I could throw at him. If I hadn't been grateful to him for saving her life just two days before; if I hadn't instinctively known that killing him would have hurt Bella beyond repair, I would have committed to ending his life. But no matter how much I wanted to, I could not hurt Jacob Black. So we found ourselves at an impasse.

After what seemed like an eternity, Alice appeared. Jacob's presence had prevented her from seeing what was going on outside, and she gasped in horror at the scene. She didn't have time to react to the surprise of seeing me there, or to give in to the alluring smell of Bella's blood. She knew in an instant that Bella's life was in danger, and she also knew that had Bella's life not been hanging in the balance, Jacob and I would have welcomed the opportunity to tear each other to shreds.

So she moved to diffuse the situation. She knew that Bella's life was more important to me than my own, and she sensed instinctively that Jacob Black loved Bella as well.

"Edward. Jacob. Focus. Bella's life is in serious danger. We have to get her help immediately."

Through Jacob's thoughts I heard him growl, "_Call an ambulance. I'm not letting either of you blood-suckers anywhere near her._"

"Jacob," I said, trying to convince him to let me get close to her, but his growls interrupted, sharp and menacing, cutting me off immediately. He wasn't going to listen to anything I had to say, so I relayed his message to Alice.

Thankfully, she and I were on the same wavelength. "The hospital is too far away," she said evenly, trying to help Jacob see reason. "I don't know how serious her condition is, but she's losing blood. I don't know if she can make it, especially if we have to wait for an ambulance."

Jacob eyed her suspiciously, but I knew that he was considering her words.

"Jacob," she pleaded, "Edward is the fastest of all of us. He can have Bella to the hospital in seconds. He's not going to hurt her. You have to trust him."

Jacob deliberated. He knew what Alice said was true, and he wanted nothing more than to have Bella in the hands of the doctors at the hospital. But he didn't trust me. He feared that I would be overcome by my desire for Bella's blood. Add to the fact that he just plain didn't like me, and his intense displeasure at finding me back in Bella's life was clouding his judgment.

I could understand why he wavered, but I was growing impatient. We didn't know how much time Bella had left. She had lost a lot of blood.

Alice gave one last effort. "I know you love her, Jacob. We love her, too." She added a bit of steel to her voice to finish, "If you don't move aside, we _will_ fight for her. Or we can work together. It's up to you."

I sensed a moment of indecision in Jacob's thoughts, and I moved forward. He growled a primal growl as I moved quickly toward Bella. He shadowed my every move as I assessed the situation, trying to decide how to carry Bella without doing further damage. Under any other circumstances we would not have been able to maintain such close proximity without coming to blows, but our love and concern for Bella brought us above our instincts and tolerate one another.

Bella's back had been badly damaged, vicious claw marks marking her pale skin from her right shoulder to her left hip. Jacob had tried to push her away, but he phased too quickly and despite his efforts, his hand had left its mark. I heard him whimper as he took in the damage he had inflicted, and a strangled sob escaped his throat.

At the sight of her wounds, I was sorely tempted once again to rip Jacob's head from his body, but I didn't dare waste a second. I pulled Bella into my arms, my right arm under her knees and my left arm underneath her head. I pulled her close to me so that nothing would be touching her wounds. I whispered into her ear, "It's okay. I'm here, love. It's going to be okay." And I was off.

Jacob trailed me, keeping my frenzied pace. He wasn't going to leave me alone with Bella for a second, and he was going to make sure he was in a position to kill me if I showed any signs of succumbing to the sweet allure of Bella's blood.

I ran faster than I had ever run in my life, arriving at the hospital in seconds. I slowed to a human pace at the last second and walked Bella into the emergency room. She had not regained consciousness; her breathing was still shallow and labored, and I could feel the weak beating of her heart right next to where my heart used to be.

The staff, who had appeared bored just seconds before, leapt into action. A young man in blue scrubs grabbed a gurney and pulled it forward, while the nurse at the desk picked up the phone and notified the doctor on call that there was an emergency. When she said there had been a bear attack, I sensed that everyone there had been waiting for something like this to happen. And then my Bella was gone. I tried to follow, but the nurse put up a hand to stop me and the automatic doors closed, blocking my entrance. I almost threw the nurse aside and crashed through the doors, my desire to stay at Bella's side at war with the logic that warned that in my emotional frenzy I was dangerously close to revealing our true nature.

Alice had a flash of the outcome of the decision I had made, and she put a firm hand on my arm to restrain me. "Edward, don't," she warned. She brought me back to reality, and her presence calmed me enough to root me in place as I stood helplessly as Bella was wheeled away.

Alice and Jacob had followed me to the edge of the forest surrounding the hospital, but Jacob could not enter until he phased back into his human form and found some clothes. I had a feeling that his anger would prevent him from phasing back as quickly as he would like.

Alice took my hand and led me to the hard plastic waiting room chairs. She tried to reassure me with her thoughts, but I could see the panic behind her eyes. She was worried for both of us, and there was nothing we could do but wait.

I strained to pick up the sound of Bella's heartbeat, and I longed to hear anything about her in the thoughts of any of the doctors or nurses. But there was too much activity, too much interference. The waiting room was nearly full of people, all waiting and worrying. I finally had to tune out the din of their thoughts in order to have a few moments of peace.

In an attempt to block out the images of Bella's lifeless form that were assaulting my thoughts, I tried to concentrate on the fun times Bella and I had spent together. I tried without much success to call back the hope I had been feeling just moments before as I was on my way to Bella's house.

Then the vibration of my cell phone cut through my reverie. I almost silenced it without even looking at it, but Alice grabbed it out of my hand too quickly. After looking at the message, she smiled and turned the phone so I could see. It was a message from Carlisle: "She's going to be OK. We're going into surgery." Then I remembered that today was Carlisle's first day back at the hospital.

Relief washed over me in waves. If I couldn't be with Bella, having her in Carlisle's hands was the next best thing. I trusted him implicitly, and I knew there was no better doctor in all of Washington. He had put Bella back together more than once before, and I knew that he would care for her like a member of our family. He would not have told me that she was going to be OK if it wasn't true.

I began to breathe more easily, only frustrated by the minutes that were ticking by until I could behold Bella with my own eyes.

My peace was broken again as Jacob burst through the emergency room door, Charlie following close behind, winded and struggling to keep up. Jacob halted immediately inside the doorway, shaking slightly as we found ourselves face-to-face for the second time in a matter of hours. Charlie didn't even pause as he flew past me to the admissions desk. He was not happy to see me, but I was the least of his concerns at the moment. The nurse recognized him and immediately sent him through to the surgical waiting area.

Alice understood the tension between Jacob and myself, and she moved between us to diffuse any possible altercation.

"How is she?" Jacob asked through gritted teeth.

"Carlisle says she's going to be OK," I replied. "They're in surgery."

Jacob's eyes went flat black at the knowledge that a "leech" was performing surgery on Bella, and he began breathing deeply, trying to get control of his anger. His thoughts were full of anger and self-loathing, and he didn't want to share those with me. So he strode back outside and began pacing around the hospital as we waited for news of the woman we all loved.

*****

The next twenty-four hours became the longest of my existence. Everyone bought the story of the bear attack, so the townspeople were on high alert. Charlie was torn between staying with Bella and hunting down the creature that had hurt her. The irony of the situation was not lost on us, as neither Jacob nor I was ever very far from Bella's hospital room.

Charlie wasn't happy to see me; that was an understatement. After Bella's surgery, he had come down to update us on her situation. I saw the anger in his eyes when he saw me there in the waiting room, and I knew he was not going to forgive me easily for the pain I had inflicted on his only daughter. Charlie was also a smart man; it did not escape his notice that I always seemed to be around when Bella was hurt – in Phoenix with James, at Bella's birthday party, and then again today. But I could sense underneath the anger and suspicion that he hoped that my presence would bring back the daughter that he had been missing for the last six months. He knew that her happiness was somehow tied to me, and I was surprised by the depth of his understanding.

Jacob and I managed an uncomfortable truce. Neither of us was willing to leave the hospital, but we weren't exactly friendly either. Jacob didn't want to spend any more time with me than necessary, knowing that I could read his thoughts. And I didn't particularly want to be in the same room with his thoughts either. So, Alice mediated. She was extremely helpful when it came to Charlie, and she got him to agree to a sort of shared custody. In deference to Charlie's decision, we split our time with Bella. We switched off every four hours.

Bella had lost a lot of blood and required several blood transfusions. I didn't like it, but this wasn't the first time. Only this time, Jacob donated blood for the cause. Apparently his wolf genes went undetected by the screening process and nothing in his blood was harmful to Bella. I knew Carlisle would never have allowed anything that he thought might be the least bit dangerous. The disgusting smell of _his_ blood inside _her _body nauseated me at first, but the stench lessened over time and I had another reason to be grateful to the mongrel since Bella's blood type was in low supply.

Most of the damage was to Bella's skin and muscles, and the doctor said that he had lost count concerning the number of stitches. She had to be stitched up from the inside out, first the muscles and then the outer skin. The doctor said she was lucky that her spine had not been damaged and that the wound to her liver would heal itself in time. They kept her heavily sedated for her own benefit. The pain would have been excruciating.

During that first day, Jacob and I split our time with Bella, both of us refusing to leave the hospital. We tortured ourselves over the pain we had inflicted on her. And we both wondered which of us had done the most damage. Would the mental and emotional anguish that I caused her leave a deeper scar than the physical wounds she would carry with her for the rest of her life?

My time with her passed too quickly, even though each second was tortuous. She lie on her stomach on her hospital bed so that the dressings on her wounds could be cleaned easily. Her right hand was tied up with tubes and needles, so I held on to her left hand and laid my head next to hers on the pillow. I talked to her, apologizing endlessly, hoping that some of what I was saying would sink into her subconscious. I recited poetry; I prattled on about what the rest of the family was up to. But mostly I just told her how much I loved her. How my life had no meaning without her. Occasionally I would run my hands through her hair and kiss her eyelids, longing to be able to hold her body securely in my arms.

I wasn't sure how Jacob spent his time with Bella. Truthfully, I didn't want to know. The thought of someone else's hands on her tortured me. I didn't want to know what he said to her. I didn't want to know if his lips touched her. I could smell his repulsive scent on her, but it was better to not know.

On the second day of Bella's stay in the hospital, Alice convinced me to go home, shower and change clothes during Jacob's shift. She promised to stay at the hospital and call me right away if there was any change in Bella's condition. The doctors were keeping Bella sedated for the time being, and truth be told I longed to get away, if only briefly, from the confines of the hospital.

So I raced home, intent on accomplishing my mundane tasks as quickly as possible. What I didn't expect to find was a red sports car pulling into the drive as I made my way to the house. Rosalie. Great. She was the last person I wanted to deal with right now…

_**A/N: Thanks for being patient with me and for not lynching me after the cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter. I hope you're enjoying the story! This chapter is a bit shorter, but I wanted to assure everyone that Bella is indeed still alive. Please leave me a review and let me know what you think.**_


	11. Confrontations

**Chapter 11 - Confrontations**

All of the frustration and agony of the last several days exploded inside me when I saw Rosalie standing beside her ostentatious red sports car. The emotions that had been seething below the surface fought their way out, and I hurtled myself toward her.

"You are not welcome here!" I thundered, closing the distance between us before she could blink.

The ground trembled with the force of my roar, and Rosalie moved into a defensive crouch. She was not one to be frightened easily, and she welcomed a good fight almost as much as Emmett did.

"Oh, get over yourself, Edward," she hissed.

"Get OVER myself?" I couldn't believe _she_ had the nerve to tell_ me_ to get over myself. "Get OVER myself? That's rich, Rosalie, especially coming from the most self-centered person I've ever met."

"You don't get it, do you, Edward?" she looked at me incredulously. "Ever since you brought that human into our lives, we've all suffered. All of us. I, for one, am tired of it. I'm not gonna tiptoe around you any more."

"As if you've been so light-footed in the past," I sneered. "You've made no secret of your feelings for Bella."

"What should I feel for her, Edward? She's a human. She's nothing but a menace."

The anger continued to seethe, and I began creeping toward my sister, ready to hurl her into the woods and relieve the tension that had been building inside me for too long.

"She is the woman I love," I replied, keeping my tone even in spite of the anger I felt. "That seems to be enough for everyone else in the family. Can't you see that she makes me happy?"

She laughed sarcastically as she responded, "I don't think 'happy' is a word I'd use to describe what you've been since you met Bella Swan. Tortured, deranged, idiotic, and conflicted maybe. But not happy. And the rest of us have to suffer right along with you."

I straightened up a bit as I considered her words. In a way she was right; my relationship with Bella had been overshadowed by a lot of heartache and pain for all of us. I was sorry for that. But how could my sister speak so harshly about the only person who had touched my soul in almost a hundred years?

Rosalie sniffed and flipped her hair, growing impatient with my little tirade. But I wasn't done. I had to get this last detail out into the open.

"I listened to your message, the one you left when Alice saw Bella jump from the cliff."

Rose stiffened. "Edward, I am sorry about that..."

"Save it, Rose," I snapped. "You were happy when you thought that Bella was dead. I could hear it in your voice. So smug. You delivered the words that had the power to destroy me, and you were happy to do it. No matter how you feel about Bella, how could you do that to me?How am I supposed to look at you after that?"

She didn't have an answer for that one. She knew I was right. "Fine," she spat angrily. "Maybe we shouldn't have come back. I'll get Emmett, and we'll be on our way." She stomped toward the house, but Emmett was already on the porch. Undoubtedly the entire family had been listening in on our little squabble.

With his thoughts, Emmett apologized profusely for Rose. He was torn. He wanted to stay and support me, but his first loyalty was to his mate. "Come on, Rose..." he began, but she cut him off.

"No, Emmett. Edward's right. I can't support him in this crazy 'relationship', so it's better if we go." Then she turned to address me and said, "Edward, Bella's all wrong for you. The sooner you see that, the better off you'll be. She's a human, and you're a vampire. There's no way anything between you can end well."

With that, she stalked into the house to retrieve whatever she had already unloaded so that she and Emmett could be on their way.

I stood there, not knowing whether I was more angry that Rosalie was being so stubborn or sad that she was leaving and our family would remain incomplete. I knew Esme would be upset, and Rose was my sister, after all. I wondered what Carlisle would say when he came home and heard about our argument. Would he blame me for running her off, or would he agree that for the time being maybe it would be better for everyone if Rose wasn't here? I had no idea; I just knew that I couldn't handle dealing with her on top of everything else that was going on.

Emmett stepped off the porch to greet me. I hadn't seen him in so long, and our "hello" would also have to serve as our "goodbye". Maybe Rose was right. My relationship with Bella was tearing our family apart once again.

I couldn't think about that now. Bella was my world, and I had to concentrate on getting her well and keeping her safe. I'd deal with my sister later.

Rose said her goodbyes to everyone besides me, and she and Emmett took off down the drive. I realized I had no idea where they were going.

I shook off the sadness and forced myself to focus on Bella. It would soon be time for me to take my shift by her side, and I cheered at the fact. I went inside and gave Esme a hug and a quick apology before taking off to the hospital. I had been running back and forth, but this time I decided to drive.

When I reached the hospital, I still had about twenty minutes before the beginning of my shift. On my way to the waiting room, I ran into Charlie who was just finishing some paperwork at the desk.

His distaste for me was not disguised in the least, and this was the first time we had been relatively alone since I returned to Forks. Without Bella, Jacob, or Alice nearby, I began to feel a bit nervous. Charlie could never hurt me physically, but I felt an extreme respect for the man. We both loved Bella more than anything else in the world, and we both wanted nothing more than for her to be safe. And I knew that I would have to abide by whatever rules Charlie set. He was Bella's father, and I would never ask her to go against his wishes. So, I had to find a way to get back into his good graces.

He scowled at me, and his thoughts were none too kind. He was still very angry at me for the pain that I had caused Bella when I left. He wanted to be grateful to me for bringing her into the hospital, for helping to save her life. But each positive sentiment was answered with ten memories of Bella during the time that I was gone, so his distaste lingered.

"Sir," I nodded toward him respectfully, trying not to allow the pain of his memories show on my face. "How is she? What are the doctors saying?"

He cleared his throat gruffly. "She's doing well. The doctors are going to start weaning her from the medicine that's keeping her sedated later tonight. She should wake up tomorrow. She's going to be in pain for a while as her injuries heal, but she's not in any danger."

I smiled and huffed a sigh of relief. I hated to imagine Bella in any sort of pain, and I would gladly bear it for her if I could. But the knowledge that she was not in any mortal danger brought me great comfort.

The look on Charlie's face quickly wiped the smile off of mine. "I don't know how you can possibly show your face around here after what you put her through," he spat at me. "And I don't know how she is going to react to your being back. The only reason you are here right now is because you saved her life, and for that I guess I have to be grateful. What do you have to say for yourself?"

I wished I could take him aside and explain everything, tell him the entire truth. But I knew he wasn't ready for that. And how could I explain the depth of my love for Bella, the sorrow I felt for leaving her, the regret I would always carry with me for allowing her to think that she was anything less than the most important thing in my world?

"I wish I could explain, Chief Swan. All I can say is that I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left. I never wanted to hurt Bella; I was trying to protect her."

"Protect her from _what_? From you? Because the way that I see it, Bella only gets hurt when you're around."

How could I deny that? "I can see how it would appear that way, sir," I replied sheepishly.

Charlie took in a deep breath, and I knew that what he was about to say did not come out easily. "Honestly, I don't know what to make of you. Bella is a smart girl; she doesn't trust or love people easily, but she saw something in you that made her take the risk. So you can't be all bad. But you left her; you deserted her, and I personally don't think you deserve another chance. If I thought she'd ever forgive me, I'd run you out of town so fast it'd make your head spin. But Bella's going to have to be the one to make that decision."

"Thank you, sir," I breathed.

"I wouldn't be thanking me if I were you," he warned. "I'm watching you. If so much as one tear falls from that girl's eye because of you, you're gonna pay. She doesn't deserve to endure one more moment of pain on your account. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir. She means the world to me, Chief Swan. I know it's going to take a long time for me to prove that to both of you, but I'll keep trying for as long as it takes."

I hoped he could read the sincerity in my voice and on my face, but he only grunted. His police radio crackled, and he was called away. He didn't say goodbye or shake my hand. He simply nodded briefly and turned and walked away. I knew that he wanted to believe me, but I also knew that the pain of what I had done was still too fresh. I could only assume that Bella felt much the same way.

Before I headed to Bella's room, I stopped in to visit with Carlisle. He was just getting ready to attend to his rounds, so we spoke only briefly. I explained what had happened with Rosalie, how she had refused to change her mind about Bella and how she had accused me of inflicting pain on our entire family. I also added with chagrin that I had told her she wasn't welcome in our family home.

Carlisle nodded sagely and patted me on the back as we turned to head down the corridor to Bella's room. "Edward, right now you need to focus on Bella. She needs you. Don't worry about Rose; she's a big girl. She can be pig-headed, we all certainly know that. She cares about you, and she still struggles with her desire to be human, to raise a family. She sees everything through the filter of her own experience, and she doesn't try very hard to put herself in anyone else's shoes."

I understood where he was coming from; I had been inside Rosalie's thoughts on numerous occasions, and even from that vantage point, I had a difficult time understanding everything. But I wasn't as worried about Rose as I was the rest of the family.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry for what I've put our family through. I know it hasn't been easy, packing up and leaving, moving back, putting up with my temper and mood swings..."

Once again Carlisle smiled his fatherly smile and reassured me. "Edward, it is obvious to all of us that Bella brings you great happiness. Yes, that comes with its fair share of trouble, it seems, but we are willing to take the bad with the good. We all have hope that there is a happy ending for you and Bella, and if there is anything that we can do to give you your happy ending, we are here for you. Love is very seldom easy, but it is worth fighting for."

As Carlisle ducked in to see one of his patients, I was greatly comforted by his words. And just in time, too, because as I rounded the corner to Bella's room, I ran right into Jacob Black.

At once my bleak mood returned, and it was all I could do to control the instincts that told me to rip him to shreds. His reaction was surprisingly similar to mine, and I knew that it was only our mutual love and respect for Bella that kept us from killing each other then and there.

"Watch it, leech," he grumbled, as he tried to calm his breathing and force back the natural tendency to phase into a giant wolf.

I merely growled in response.

We stood opposing one another for a moment, and in that time I could read the guilt in his thoughts. And as I peered more closely, I could see how horrible he looked. He was unshaven, unkempt, and quite hollow-looking. I surmised that he had been beating himself up mentally for causing so much damage, and I decided to use my peek into his psyche to my advantage.

"You shouldn't be here, you know," I goaded him. "It's your fault she's here in the first place. Can't you see that you've done enough damage?"

I knew I was being extremely unkind, but I had to play the game. I still didn't know Bella's feelings for Jacob, and if there was a chance I could run him off, I had to take it. And I wasn't completely unjustified, I told myself. He _had_ hurt Bella. He had proven that young werewolves couldn't be trusted, and there was no way that I could take the chance that he might hurt her again. She would survive this ordeal, but she might not be so lucky the next time young Jacob couldn't control his temper.

His whole body was trembling, and I knew I was playing with fire. But I kept my emotions tightly in check, not allowing him to see the desperation or the motives behind my words.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, counting to ten in his head. He assembled his thoughts enough to say through gritted teeth, "No. You're the one who shouldn't be here." He stopped and took a deep breath. "If you hadn't come back, Bella wouldn't have been in any danger in the first place. You broke her heart, drove her to reckless extremes, and then you caused me to phase and hurt her."

I tried not to let his words have any effect on me, and I carefully ironed my smooth facade. "Just like a young werewolf to try to place the blame on someone else. Have you always had trouble accepting the consequences of your actions, Jacob?"

His eyes grew wide, and his hands began to shake again. He let loose a string of curse words that would have made a sailor blush, letting me know in no uncertain terms that there was no love lost for me on his end. I was glad Bella's innocent ears were currently deaf to his obscenities.

I was tempted to keep pushing him, to get him to reveal himself for who he really was. But I knew that if his secret escaped, mine would, too. And that was unacceptable. So, I backed off. I was wasting precious moments with my Bella. But I wanted to leave him with one parting thought: "I'm back for good, Jacob. And I'm not going to allow Bella to be put in another situation that might cause her pain. Enjoy the time you have with her now because that will soon be coming to an end."

As I walked away, Jacob sagged against the wall. Removing my presence also removed the anger, leaving him feeling nothing but guilt and loss. I almost felt sorry for him. I knew how it felt to be in his shoes. I knew all about the self-loathing and the blame. I knew about the conflict between doing what was right and satisfying the desires of the heart.

It was easier not to be angry with Jacob when he wasn't standing right in front of me, his nature at war with mine. I could so easily have been in his place. I almost killed Bella the day I met her, and I had the potential to hurt her every time I took her into my arms.

I breathed deeply and put those thoughts out of my mind as I entered Bella's hospital room. Nothing had changed. She was still lying face down on her hospital bed, her right hand wound up with tubes. Her sutures were covered in bandages, and the smell of antiseptic and cotton permeated the room.

She was sleeping peacefully, her breathing heavy and even, and I took my place in the chair by her side. She would have been self-conscious about having us watch her sleep, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I'm pretty sure Jacob felt the same way.

I brushed a strand of hair from her face, and I straightened the sheets to make her more comfortable. I knew she wouldn't notice, but I wanted to do something. I hated the helplessness that I was feeling. I wanted to ease her pain, to avenge her suffering, to hold her and never let her go.

As I watched, her heart monitor began to beep more rapidly, and I could hear the blood moving more quickly through her veins. I knew instantly that she was dreaming, but because she was so heavily sedated, I couldn't tell if she was having a dream or a nightmare. Her face gave nothing away.

In an effort to comfort her, I lifted her hand to my face. I kissed each of her fingertips, and then I pressed her cool hand to my even cooler cheek.

As always, her touch was like an electric shock to my long-dormant heart, but this time her touch held far, far more. The combination of drugs being used to sedate her must have also incapacitated the "glitch" in Bella's brain, because, for once, all of her defenses were down, and I found myself smack dab in the middle of her dream...

**A/N: I'm back, everyone! Real life has held me captive for the last two months, but I've been chomping at the bit to get some writing done. Thanks for sticking with me! Please leave me some love and let me know what you think!**


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